Ultimately, your job is to make sure the things your son needs from you are covered. Your main goal is for him to feel loved and cared for. However, too many parents create a toxic culture of dependency, where moms or dads even contact prospective employers to cover for a child’s poor interview, sorry work ethic, or subpar resume to pressure the hire.
Yes, our job is to raise young people in love and security. But we also are supposed to make sure they are well-equipped to leave home and make it on their own. In order to accomplish that goal, here are 10 things your son needs from you.
1. Presence
Your son needs your attention. Your son needs quantity playtime with his dad, not just quality playtime. He needs you at school conferences, soccer games, church events, and mealtimes. Mealtimes are especially crucial to child development, and your son needs his dad. He needs you to wish him good night and he needs to watch you live. He needs to watch you treat his mother right, to watch you make decisions, and to watch you value the right things.
2. Respect
It’s a cliché that what all men want, ultimately, is respect. But your son is no exception.
3. Responsibility
One way to earn respect is to demonstrate responsibility. He can’t do this without your help and your coaching.
4. Trust
Along with responsibility comes trust. This is a form of believing in your son. Trust suggests respect. Respect leads to trust. Trust accepted equals responsible behavior.
5. Boundaries
Your son needs boundaries he can understand. There is more freedom with secure boundaries than without. Obviously, these vary with age and maturity.
6. Accountability
We’re not talking about stalking your son, checking up on him every instant, or calling him to task for every detail. However, real-world preparation must involve holding to account, following through, and the understanding that every choice he makes is potentially open for review.
7. Love
Your son doesn’t need simply to know that you love him; he needs to feel it, see it in action, and understand that it’s as deep and wide as the ocean. Love is the greatest source of strength either of you has. Embrace love, own it, practice it, and tell him how you feel.
8. Affection
Too many men are confused about affection and physical touch. They confuse distance with manliness and nothing could be further from the truth. So hug. Express your feelings. And, above all, don’t be afraid to tell your son you love him. Don’t close him out from affection because of your own fear. Your son very much needs physical contact with his dad. A hand on the shoulder, hugs and embraces, and holding his hand when he’s younger. Physical touch is key to human development, from infancy on up. Your son needs your physical touch.
9. Advice About Sex
Your son needs his dad to be his hero.Your son needs your advice. He needs you to teach him about love and respect. He needs his dad to tell him and to show him how to treat other people. What’s appropriate when interacting with girls? What is right and wrong? Your son needs you to talk to him about sex.
10. Example
Your son needs your example. If you’ve been a bad example, then he needs to hear you admit that and he needs to see you find your way. He needs to have a dad around who he can look up to, admire, and emulate. Your son needs his dad to be his hero.
Sound off: What do you think is the most important thing our sons need from us as fathers?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is one thing you need from me?”