kids and pronography

5 Ways Porn Hurts Our Sons and Daughters

When the only thing kids hear from adults about sex is that it’s bad and you shouldn’t do it, they know they aren’t hearing the whole story. When parents fail to give the full picture of sex, kids go looking for answers somewhere else. That “somewhere else” is usually porn. I once spoke to a father who caught his 12-year-old daughter watching porn. “I’ve seen plenty of porn during my life, but the stuff she was watching was disturbing,” he said. What his daughter watched is the new normal for kids and pornography.

The average age a child encounters porn for the first time is between 9 and 11, and mainstream porn continues to get more extreme, violent, and degrading. The internet and smartphones have opened the door for porn to invade our kids’ lives, hearts, and minds—and the consequences are devastating. Here are 5 ways porn hurts our sons and daughters.

1. It sexualizes our kids.

The term “teen” was in the top three highest searched words on porn sites for years. One year, it was number one. That should make us all sick. We are talking about kids. This means a majority of people looking at porn on the internet wanted to watch kids. When porn site visits outnumber Amazon, Netflix, and Twitter combined, think about how many people are looking to watch kids having sex. Think about how many child predators are being fueled and emboldened. What is all of this communicating to our sons and daughters?

2. Our kids lose their innocence.

The culture surrounding porn is reinforcing the idea that kids can be sex objects.

The culture surrounding porn is reinforcing the idea that kids can be sex objects. This was evident in 2010 when eight-year-old girls danced in a competition to the song “Single Ladies” with highly sexualized moves while wearing lingerie. The audience, which included the girls’ parents, wasn’t horrified. Instead, they hooted, hollered, and cheered. We are teaching our sons and daughters at a young age that if they want to be noticed, they need to be sexy. It all starts with our pornified culture. And kids have gotten the message loud and clear.

3. They experience shame, guilt, and depression.

What happens next is tweens and teens play at being sexy. They quickly believe the lie that the best place to learn how to be sexual is through internet porn, which is easily accessible and affordable in large quantities. The images of mainstream pornography they encounter within one minute of searching are violent and graphic—and are burned into their brains forever. The pornographers are telling them this is the sexual experience. Deep down, they know they’ve seen something they shouldn’t have seen, but their brains can’t make sense of it. They are excited and embarrassed, but they don’t know why. They feel ashamed and guilty, but too scared to talk to anyone for fear of being in trouble.

4. They develop an addiction to it.

Little do they know what their developing brains have been doing while viewing porn. The brain released large amounts of dopamine, which gives the feeling of pleasure in its rewards center. This gives the user the urge to come back again and forms a connection with the image (a connection meant for a person). This causes an addiction—and the younger they are when they’re introduced to it, the more powerfully ingrained it is. Since the feeling of euphoria helps them forget about their problems momentarily, porn becomes an unhealthy coping mechanism to distract them from the feelings of shame, guilt, and stress. Unfortunately, it only leaves them feeling emptier so they watch more, and the cycle continues.

5. It fuels disconnection and disrespect.

Ultimately, porn leads to relational disconnection and degradation. From it, kids draw expectations of what sex will be like. Rather than sex being about connecting intimately with someone in the safety of commitment, it becomes a selfish pursuit of getting off. Sex gets cheapened to a strictly physical act and people are reduced to objects of fantasy and objects to use. A good and rich life is found in relationships. Sadly, this porn culture is leading our sons and daughters far from them. The best thing you can do is educate your kids about the lies and the dangers of pornography. Start early rather than later. At some point, they are going to encounter it and will need you to help them make sense of it. Keep the line of communication open and engage them in conversation so they don’t go it alone.

Sound off: What are some more dangers for kids and pornography?

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How do you think you are affected by what you watch?”