Guidance with a Fatherly Touch
May 21st, 2009I wanted to share with you an article I recently wrote for Sports Illustrated:
As I was preparing to visit Michael Vick at the federal penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas, earlier this month, I got a phone call from Ron Freeman. His son Josh is the Kansas State quarterback who was the first-round pick by the Buccaneers last month. We had never met, but we spoke father-to-father. Ron asked me if I would call Josh and keep an eye on him as he was getting used to his new environment in Tampa, where I make my home. As we talked, I could tell Ron and his wife had done a great job in preparing their son, and Josh was probably one of the few NFL rookies who wouldn’t need much mentoring. But his dad was going that extra mile for his son.
Then I went to see Michael. As I sat down with him at the table in the visitors’ room, he looked just like many of the young men I have talked with in other prisons. I couldn’t get over how young he still looked. I hadn’t seen him in person since 2005, but his face looked the same. The Falcons’ number 7 jersey, though, had been replaced by a tan jumpsuit with his inmate number on it. We talked for about two hours, and my message was the same one I’ve given hundreds of other inmates I’ve visited. “What you learn in life is the same thing you learn in football,” I told Michael, who was scheduled to be released from prison this Wednesday to serve the final two months of his 23-month sentence in home confinement. “You have losses, and you have to rebound from them. The key thing is, How do you bounce back from a defeat?”
In the two hours we spent together, Michael and I learned a lot about each other, and we made a commitment to stay in touch after he is released. When I left the prison, I found myself thinking: What if Michael, who says his father was not a positive influence on his household when he grew up, had had the same family support system that Josh had? Would he have ended up in this situation? I really don’t think so.
That’s one of the reasons I left the Colts a few months ago. People ask me all the time why I retired, and it wasn’t from stress or burnout. In my mind I didn’t retire from football as much as I was moving to something else. I wanted to do something to help the next generation of young people realize their potential. As a coach I was blessed to have developed a bond with many of my players. But I always felt that those who made it to the NFL were, for the most part, men who had gotten some good mentoring along the way. I wanted to reach out to young men who hadn’t had the benefit of college and NFL environments.
I’ve always been drawn to young men and the issue of fatherhood because of the impact my dad had on me. I leaned on him for advice for 48 years, and he shaped me into the man I am today. I’ll never forget being thrown out of a basketball game in ninth grade for fighting. (I know that’s hard for people to imagine after watching me on the sidelines.) Afterward, my dad calmly told me how he saw it. “You let your emotions help your opponent instead of your own team,” he said. “You have some talent, but you’ll never be a great player until you get those emotions under control and use them for good.” I listened to him, and that was the beginning of the “cool” Tony Dungy persona.
As a Christian, I follow the Biblical model of how a community should be structured-wisdom should be passed down from elders to juniors, and when that doesn’t happen the results won’t be good. That’s why I’m concerned about the number of young men growing up without active fathers in their lives. This is an increasing problem all across society but especially in African-American homes.
It’s ironic that, as I’m leaving pro football, one of the people I’m trying to help was once one of the NFL’s biggest stars. But I’m concerned about Michael Vick’s life, not his career. And Michael’s future, just like those of thousands of other inmates around the country, is worth saving. Michael came into the NFL with a lot more fanfare than Josh Freeman but with less guidance. Does that excuse some of the mistakes he’s made? No. And Michael certainly had the benefit of many support people in college and the NFL. But our decision-making processes are formed much earlier than that.
I firmly believe Michael deserves a second chance in life. I understand how appalling dog fighting is, and in no way do I condone it. But he was given a punishment that the court deemed appropriate, and now he exits prison having paid for that crime. It’s time to let him bounce back after that loss. If we are willing to forgive Michael and take an honest look at the person who is leaving that prison, we might be surprised at what we see. We might see a man who says “I’m sorry” with his actions and not just his words. We might see a man who wants to get back to his three children and stop the cycle of young people growing up without a father to help them.
Least important, we might see him play football again. I’m not sure of the Michael Vick we would see on the field, but I believe we would see a very different person off the field. That’s what would be exciting to me.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Too Much Stress…
[...] People ask me all the time why I retired, and it wasn’t from stress or burnout. In my mind I didn’t retire from football as much as I was moving to something else. I wanted to do something to help the next generation of young people … [...]…
May 21st, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Coach, thank you so very much for sharing the article you recently wrote for Sports Illustrated.
I am a recovering addict, clean now for over 20 years. I am the product of a dysfunctional family, alcoholic father who never took an interest in my life. Born into poverty ini the inner city of Cleveland, OH, I was exposed to a number of people who took an interest in my life including 2 teachers with whom I remain in contact with to this day. Determined to create a life different from that which I experienced as a youth, I became consumed with education as a way out even though I also played sports from little league through college.
I assumed the “hero” role in my family and, unitl God took me through what I now call the valley of the shadow of death, led a life of progressive successes. Starting in junior high, I scored the highest in the City of Cleveland on a standarized apptitude test and, as a result, was selected to participate in summer enrichment programs between the 6th grade and high school at Oberlin College (my alma mater), John Carroll University (Coach Shula’s alma mater), University School, a prestigious private school in Cleveland, and 3 summers at Case-Western Reserve University (my law school alma mater). I went on to graduate with honors from high school, graduated from Oberlin College with a degree in Psychology with a minor in Government, and graduated from Case Western Reserve School of Law which culminated my going straight from kindergarten through law school without interruption.
I took and passed the Ohio bar on my first sitting and took a job with the Cleveland law firm of Guren, Merritt, Sogg & Cohen, a firm whose clients included Art Modell the former owner of the Browns. After marrying my college sweetheart, I moved to Northern California where I took and passed the California Bar and took a job with Heller, Ehrman, White & McAuliffe, one of the largest law firms in the country. While at Heller, I presented a proposal for the firm to finance the development of a sports law practice and went on the represent a host of top professional athletes including, but not limited to, Clark Kellogg, Willie Gault, Jerry Rice, Paul Lankford, and Gill Byrd.
In about 1985 I tried cocaine for the first time and spent the next 2 years on a downward spiral which resulted in the loss of my family, my job, my home and pretty much everything else that was important to me. Believe it or not, I continued to represent athletes, or so I thought, until I received a call requesting my attendance at a meeting in Chicago. That meeting turned out to be an intervention led by my busness partner, Clark Kellogg, Willie Gault and Gill Byrd, all Christians and long time members of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. In fact, Gill activities today includes participation in your All-Pro Dads organization.
Fast forward, I accepted Christ into my life and recovered. My first encounter with the Bible was when I closed my eyes and opened it up to 1 Timothy 1:15 and learned a faithful saying worthy of all acceptance..that Christ Jesus came into theworld to save sinners…of whom I was chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life. Unbelievable and true.
Because of my Christian faith, my own life was transformed and empowered, and I am determined to help equip young athletes with the tools necessary to make informed decisions, live victorious lives and achieve life sustaining results. I come from the same tough inner city as many professional athletes and I have faced some of the same obstacles…a wealth of talent but low self-esteem, a lack of positive role models, a dysfunctional family, negative peer pressure and the “it won’t happen to me’ attitude.
Having achieved a level of success and accomplishment notwithstanding my own humble beginnings, I am driven by and committed to providing the solution to what he sees as the miss-education and exploitation of athletes. In my humble opinion, athletes must begin to experience the inherent value in viewing themselves as more than just athletically gifted. They must also begin to understand the connection between their character and their gift, be provided with the tools to develop them both, and come to understand how the tunnel vision focus on developing their gift without also developing their character is a recipe for ultimate failure.
I would love to share our model with you to determine if there is a way our meeting and sharing can help others do better. Thanks in advance for your consideration.
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:28 am
Coach, If Michael would been blessed to have had a father like yourself, things might have might have been different for him.
We wish him our best and Gods blessings in his future endeavors. Coach, how can we here in Tampa be of help to
Michael and his family?
May 23rd, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Excellent.
May 24th, 2009 at 1:10 am
[...] after meeting with Michael Vick. I thought it might be as encouraging to you as it was to me. The link is [...]
May 30th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Coach, your contributions to the world are too numerous to list. When I see men like you, my hope is renewed for our Country! Thanks for all the sacrifices you’ve made to advance the principles we hold so dear. I spoke with you by phone last summer about Hope For 100, a program I’m leading in my church to challenge our congregation to care for 100 fatherless children through foster care or adoption. We launched the program in January 2009 and we’ve made some good progress. I’d be honored if you could be of help to us as we attempt to take this concept to other churches nationally. Regardless of whether you help us or not, I respect and appreciate you for all you’re doing to make a difference in the lives of countless children. May your tribe increase!
September 3rd, 2009 at 3:28 am
Tampa’s best private school…
Good job narrowing down all the information….