effective leadership

How to Lead Your Family Without Lecturing

When it comes to being a leader of your home, do you sometimes find your words falling on deaf ears?  Does your wife’s words seem to carry more weight in the home than yours?  Are you somewhat intimidated by the responsibilities of being a leader?  Do you have a desire to be the leader, but you don’t know exactly where to start?

Well here’s a great way to employ effective leadership to lead your family, without lecturing or losing your mind.  Basically, it’s 4 questions you should ask your wife and kids whenever you interact with them.

1. What can I do to help?

This will always be music to your family’s ears.  I don’t care what you’re doing or what you’ve just finished, get in the habit of always asking your wife, “Honey, do you need me to help you with anything?”

Of course, her answer may interrupt your day, routine, or plans, but it will make a huge deposit in her emotional bank account.  By consistently asking your wife and kids this question, you’ll be leading them by demonstrating what real leadership looks like.  Real leaders serve.  As a leader, show, not tell, your family what serving looks like.

2. How can I do this with excellence?

If your wife tells you she needs your help with something, don’t just do it to get it done.  Do it with excellence better than she would’ve done it herself.  Not only will this impress her, it will show her you were sincere in your request to help.

As a leader, it’s your job to set the standard in your home, raise the bar, and demonstrate what excellence looks like.  You’re setting an example for your children to follow as well.

3. What did I learn from this?

Even in your best efforts, you’re going to make a mistake.  But now is not the time to beat yourself up over it.  Instead, learn from your mistakes.  If you tried to help your wife, tried to do it with excellence, but something went wrong, just own it, admit it, and ask yourself, how would you do it differently next time?

Even if you did it right, get in the habit of asking yourself, “How could I do this even better?”  Your wife and kids won’t know you’re doing this, but if you’re helping them out in an area more than once, they will notice any improvement made the second time around. Leaders never settle for good enough if better is possible.

And finally, ask yourself:

4. Is this the best use of my time?

This question is critical.  Nothing expresses love more than time. And how we choose to spend our time reflects what’s most important to us.  As you ask yourself, “Is this the best use of my time?” always choose to do what’s most important for your marriage and your family.  Yes, that may mean you missing the ball game, your favorite TV show, tee time with the boys, or tinkering on the car, but the message you will send to your family will be loud and clear, “Our family is more important to him than anything else.” 

Leadership is a two-way street.  You can’t be a great leader without being a great servant.  And the more you serve your wife and kids, the more they’ll want to serve and support you as a leader in your home.  So choose to lead by your actions, not just your words. [Tweet This]

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In what ways do you lead your family?

Dr. Joe Martin

Dr. Joe Martin is a certified Man Builder, creator and founder of RealMenConnect.com, and an award-winning educator. He’s also a husband and father of a blended family of two.

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Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you think makes a good leader?”

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