Peace

The stage of Understanding, when the kids go off to school, has it’s own virtue you’ll need to cultivate: that’s peace. This stage is a time of tension. You’re balancing career and family. Peace is the ability to live confidently, despite the tension.

Think of a tent: it has various rigid poles, but its ability to stand up is caused by the tension in the guy wires. The tent is literally being pulled into two or maybe four directions. But we don’t think of the tension. Instead, we see the green canvas of the tent rippling in the wind. We unzip the mosquito screen, stuff the sleeping bags inside, and say, “There you go, kids. It’ll be nice, safe, and dry in there tonight.”

When you cultivate peace during the stage of Understanding, you act as a tent which spreads out over the lives of your young children. You feel the tension, but that’s okay-you can live in it.

As a father in the stage of Understanding, you must first be at peace with yourself as a father. You’re just beginning to understand how complex fathering can be, but you’re also discovering a new confidence. You have come to understand that when families stick together faithfully during tense times, the bonds are actually made stronger because of the shared suffering.

The peaceful father must also be at peace with his wife. A peaceful marriage gives you an ally who will help you weather the storms, and provides an atmosphere of security in which your children can grow.

Finally, you need to be at peace with how you’ve balanced your career and family. Consider these questions: What is really most important in life? What will give me the most satisfaction as a man? What will last long after I have died?

Then, tonight, when your children are asleep, sneak into their bedrooms, and sit on the corner of the bed. Pull the covers back slightly and watch the moonlight fall on their tousled hair. You’ll find the answers.

 

©2001 National Center for Fathering