Wow, All Pro Dad always have the best advices to Fathers. This article is quite encouraging and i pray all Fathers adopt the ideas in this tit-bits to assist their wife and Children. Family is the fist agent of socialisation and God instituted a family - Father and Mother i love you, that's the meaning of Family. So this episode will instruct and advise Fathers of the duties God has assigned them to do for their families. May the good Lord assist all Fathers to attend to their families the way our Lord Jesus has assigned them in the Bible. Have a blessed Christmas

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Yes iMom.com

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Dear Henwhitee, Since you asked for advice I am writing. You mentioned working long hours to maintain the life style your wife desires. Not knowing your specific situation, it may be impossible to meet your family obligations and maintain the lifestyle your wife desires. I suggest you and your wife sit down with all the paperwork (income, bills, & debts). Then decide what is neccessity vs luxury spending. (E.g. cable TV, brand name clothes and food, eating out.) Both you and your wife need to decide what you want and the monthly cost versus your income. If she wants you home more, the both of you need to decide how to balance your income with your expenditures. This may involve deciding what to cut and what to sell so you do not have to work as much. Or agree on how to temporarily make more money to reduce your debt. This could include your wife working more (on a temporary basis). Obviously the end goal is to live a life within your means, teach your children good financial skills, and most importantly spend more time with the family and be a good spiritual leader.

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i love my kids an wife more than ne thing in this world... my best friend just hung his self an left a kids too grow up with no dad

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Help me Dad's. How do you balance the debt part with the helping out around the house. I work till 7-730 pm nightly (2 jobs) so i can provide for my family the way that my wife likes for me too. Then she says she wants me home more. Can't have it both ways, but thinks she can...help!!

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I think the closest to that for women would be the book titled, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr Laura Schlessinger.

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All Pro Dad team, thanks for sharing this great resource and reminder! I plan to distribute it to my Men's Small Group.

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C J I also hearyou on that tip, but the main thing to remember here is this; The Lord will not put more on you that you can bear. What I mean is this; my wife and I have been together for 27 years of which we've been married for 24 years, and in that time up to last year, we have been thru alot of trials and tribulations in that time frame and it has made our relationship and our marriage so strong, it's only shakeable by God himself. Be it finances, medical issues (our youngest is a kidney patient which he has been since a week after his 1st birthday). Travelling back and forth out of town either for my father's heart attack, my brother's murder, and the sickness, two different bouts of breat cancer and eventually the death of my mother from lung cancer; God gives you the strenght to go on. Be it you or your wife, foreclosure, bankruptcy, medical issues, or death, that list helps you stay grounded with your family, wife and most of all God. We fathers need to come together with each other and give each other a hug ang help stand each up on their own 2 feet. In essence yes the things on that list are very realistic in those "real-life areas" as you say. God Bless you and yours

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Is there something like this for women?

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This is such a great, encouraging group! Wish we could all meet for coffee....but since we really can't, for those of you struggling, please be sure you're in a small group (or community group) through your church where you can "do life" with other people in your same life stage. I have derived great benefit from our small group over the last year....we're too busy to fit it into our lives (like everyone else), but it's truly 1-2 hrs a week to specifically work on our marriage and family....man, that's worth it.

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your situation does sound tough (I haven't been there), but I try to remember to commit to my wife's love language, not necessarily for what I could only provide materially. If I am totally committed to her relationship needs, then when I ask her to come along with me through the "or-worse" times, she's more willing. Tell your mentor or men's group that you feel trapped- they should help.

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Honest, blunt, serious question: What do you do when #6 and #10 start to clash? I was laid off from my job six months ago, haven't been able to land full-time work and am trying to scrape things together as an "independent contractor" by taking one-off assignments. I'm now working more hours for less pay and the strain is beginning to show - both in terms of health and in our marriage. I don't want my wife to feel ignored, but I want to provide her with food and a roof too. I feel trapped...

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As a former head football coach, one of the things I made sure I did was allow time for my coaches to have the time to spend with their families. One of the ways I did this was not requiring them to work on Sundays. I explained to them that we would come to work on Saturdays and would stay until we got all the work done we needed to get done for the following weeks game. If we finished by mid-afternoon we would go home; if we did not finish until midnight, that is what we did. But Sunday was the Lord's day and their day to spend with their families. I was questioned by so many other head coaches in the area who could not understand how I did not require my staff to work on Sundays and we were still successful. I was a firm believer that in order to get good work from my coaches I had to have the support of their wives and family and of course I believed God should come first in our lives and I did not want to be a hindrance to their reltionship with God.

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This list GREAT! It's true when it's said that in order to have a happy home, you need to first make sure your wife is happy. They go hand and hand and this list equips us as men with the tools needed to bring this to fruition. Thank GOD!

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Some people put so much into financially supporting of the family. While this is important, what about the time support. I was reading the brother's comment about needing 100k a year to survive; no. We have to make better decisions. When we got married, my wife and I decided to live on one income. We didn't buy into "all that stuff" that society says you need to be happy. As a result, I am able to spend the whole year as a stay at home dad with my newborn daughter !!!

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TK Kelly, that was a good comment. Well said, especially the "a woman can't change a man, but she can inspire him" part. I think the list is a great compilation of things every husband should take care of as a duty.

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Even though I'm single and w/o kids right now. Those are things that all men should consider being willing to do when dating someone. If you not willing to work towards 80% of this list with a women of interest. She might not be the one. B/c a woman can't change a man. He must be blessed by God and inspired by that woman to want to be that type of man.

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I just continue to appreciate that on a dad site All Pro Dads continues to share topics about having a strong marriage. Bob Hazleton

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Thanks for the list. One thing left of this list and many other lists that encourage family values is helping our families understand the importance of sharing our faith with the lost and serving others. A family that is inward focused and not also outward focus misses the mission of Christ to this world and does not fully experience the treasures of Christ. It is a blessing to me that my kids at 3 and 6 have seen much of me sharing the gospel that they would encourage me sometimes in uncomfortable environments to share the gospel. They are also involved with me in collecting pennies to send out to missionaries. My wife too is fully involved. Let us all live to be folks who love our wife and kids. One way we do this is by helping them reach our to the world around us so that they may experience the fullness of who God is and his mission for this world.

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The reality is, without making a minimum of 100K in todays world with a mortgage, kids, car, insurance, tuition and dozens of other monthly bills, you simply are going backwards. Much different than when I was a kid in the 60's / 70's when one income could easily provide a family's expenses. Dont mean to be negavitive but get ready, its about to get WAY worse with all the Gov spending. Ask God, he will provide and don't STOP tithing! This is one area that God askes you prove him on. It works! Just like gravity or any other law in the universe. Works for me, will work for you!

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Even though I'm not a dad yet I have learned alot by reading this and I will keep this email, and if GOD let's us live that long, I wil do my best to do all the things on this list,especially pray with my family when I have kid's

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God notes.... This list is a Fathers advice to a son on how to shape a happy life with wife and family God knows that A happy wife = A good life

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Great list, of course when you realize that is some shape or fashion the list comes from the Lord it is always GREAT!! I believe everything on the list is backed up by the word of God. I read all the postings and several of the guys are concerned that they could not do all the things and therefore in some way fail at the endeavor. I think that is just guys being guys, after all we are results driven and if not everything is successfully done we tend to see that as failure. I think two key words that are interspersed in the previous postings would be responsibility and initiate and I just want to encourage the guys who feel they are failing or do not measure up and say "stay in the fight" and "there is no other option you are fighting for the very souls of your wife and kids".

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Don't be overwhelmed by the list, rather check off the ones you already are good at and pick a few of the others that are ealistically within grasp and commit to them. The rest of this will start to fall into place as you make progress, just like regular visits to the gym or playing any sport, the more time we spend at it the better and stronger we get. You can do it, anyone can do it if you put your mind to it and ask God for a little support.

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While there is nothing wrong with any on the list, a man who can do all of these probably walks on water too. Some are more art than science and not all of us are artists. Anticipating and initiating some things take special knowledge and skill not all of us have. If I really believed I had to do all 25 of these all of the time, I would choose to stay single.

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This article is so good. Because you can check where you are immediately and do the necessary changes to apply. My wife and I got married when we were 18 years old. We are now 33 years, with 5 grown up children and I can say a kind of article like this acts as checklist. I know I did and score over 50% of 20, but its not enough. I must continue because I love my wife and family. In God we give thanks; to people who's got this idea, we thank them you for that wisdom.

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Right know me and my wife are going threw some very trying times . I have not been a good husband or father and am trying too save my marriage I wish I had seen this list a long time ago but plan on using it right now these are great principals too use.

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this is a siple, powerful list. I'm not usually big on checklists, but this one is legit. Im recently divorced and I believe this list could have helped us stay together. I will put it into practice now as much as is possible and appropriate. thanks.

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CJ I hear you. We have many of the same struggles. We have started with Financial Peace University. Its gonna be a long road. Our Churches mens ministry started a group in the Pastors garage. Trying to keep it manely. It wasn't called a Bible study. The first book we looked at was "why Men hate going to Church". I held off going for quite a while but eventually felt the chance to spend Time with with the other men was important. I still feel guilty leaving home after dinner one night a weekbut the fellow is powerful. This small group has grown into a 100 plus active mens group. Not every one can make to the Driveway every week but that small group has become the core and the anchor of renewed leadership by men in our church. You learn that your brothers have or have had the same struggles. If you want to know more it is www.stuartfumc.org

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For the most part, this is a pretty sound list. The only problems I see are staying out of harmful debt. When my wife and I first got married, I was making very little at my job and we had many car breakdowns and medical expenses that, even 14 years into our marriage, we still battle to this day finance wise. And it is not like we live an extravegant life (rarely eat out, no big vacations, no magazine subscriptions, no cable/dish TV, etc.), yet we still keep getting hit with major bills that lead to debt. And also, when you try your darndest to get guys involved in a small men's group and they don't have time to do it, how do you realistically do that? Plus, how can you find to do that when you are teaching a small group, trying to coach your kids' sports teams and work full time while still trying to find time to spend with your kids and wife doing other things? I think a couple of the things on this list aren't quite realistic in those real-life areas.

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Wow! What a great list. I'd like to share this with more men and fathers. It will fit perfectly in my upcoming book on Fatherhood Princples of Joseph the Carpenter in the chapter "Be a Loving Husband" and on my blog at http://rfathers.net/blog/2009/01/25-characteristics-of-husband-who-love-their-wives/ Every husband/father should study and test themselves on this list. Thanks, Akili Kumasi Reconciled Fathers Network Thanks for the continuous great content and sound advise. Akili Kumasi

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This list really was a blessing to me because of it my marriage and my relationship with GOD has improved.

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Thank you, We are to be spiritual leaders in our families. Far too often I become distracted, this list is a great foundation to focus our daily walk.

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Anytime pure principles are similar to Biblical responsibilities, you and I will agree that its of God, the living God. Thanks for the above writing I will have it posted in my mens class.

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I first saw this list as "25 ways to be a Servant - Leader" in a Men's Fraternity class taught at Oakwood Community Church. I keep this list posted in my office.

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Amen brother! We as fathers could make a phenomenal difference in our family’s, not to mention in America if we just followed these few simple rules. There are literally billions and billions of dollars spent providing social band aids because all too many of us are not doing our jobs. Pray my bothers for all of us and ask for the strength, courage and wisdom to do what Jesus asks and then watch the transformation of our faltering nation begin. Peace and blessings all.

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