10 Things to do When You Feel Your Wife's Rejection

Marriage is the kind of relationship easy to neglect. Not just neglect, but cumulative neglect over time. We bend over backwards to win our spouse, we keep it up all the way to the wedding then a few weeks beyond… and then – too often - we take things for granted and wonder, “What happened?”

Often, that scenario results in feelings of rejection. “She doesn’t love me any more.” “She doesn’t want me.” “I don’t think she’s in to me.” “Why do I feel like the spark is gone and she’d just rather not bother?”

First off, take your feelings seriously. Don’t let it slide any more. But also remember that this marriage idea is a long-term commitment. You’re not the only one who took some vows. And where there’s commitment and faithfulness, then there’s hope.

Here at All Pro Dad we’ve come up with the following ideas, some practical steps to take when you feel like your wife is rejecting you:

1. Make sure you’re not rejecting her: Relationships are, by definition, interactive. Men and women often mirror each other, even if only in terms of perception. So make sure you become a model of openness and acceptance that is unconditional.

2. Avoid becoming defensive: Hey! What do you mean by that! Seriously, one of the least effective interventions in a relationship is defensiveness. Arms folded, foot tapping, “You’re wrong/I’m right”, “You are the problem”. It doesn’t matter what the facts are… in relationships, truth is typically arrived at via humility and an open heart.

3. Remember what it was (about you) that attracted her in the first place – then be that guy: It’s too easy for men and women both to stop trying after the first flush of excitement wears off the marriage. Maybe your boring, no-effort, “Make-me-dinner-woman-I’m-home”, take-her-for-granted act needs some timely rejection – or at least re-direction. Dial it up a little bit, why don’t you?

4. Get back into the dating habit: Related to # 3, above. When did you last ask your wife out on a romantic date? Demonstrate how much you care, go anywhere other than a sports bar, and have some great “conversation-starters” in your back pocket ready for dinner.

5. Start listening: Aside from those conversation starters, get in the habit of really listening – that’s “active listening.” One of the most attractive, passionate and endearing things a man can do is be a good listener around his wife.

6. Remember you can only change yourself: “How can I make her change?” is a guaranteed useless question. Newsflash – you can’t. It is remarkable, however, how positive change on one side of the relationship can lead to positive change on the other (and – don’t you already know it - vice-versa…).

7. Make her a cup of tea (we’re serious!): Prepare a hot drink, serve it to her, sit down and enjoy it together. It’s an act of service that says, “I want to spend some deliberate time, knee to knee, listening and connecting.” Such an act of service reaches out and invites.

8. Look for more ways to serve her: Many relationships become one-sided. Too often it’s the guy who gets catered to, served, indulged and taken care of. But don’t worry about over-doing it. If you succeed in out-serving her, and the balance tips the other way, there’s a good chance rejection might not be an issue so much anymore.

9. Try the “Fireproof” love challenge: In the movie “Fireproof”, a man is challenged by his father to reach out to his wife via a series of “unilateral” self-giving efforts over a number of weeks. There’s a book available that outlines the process.

10. Do not give up: If you’re doing everything right and she’s still rejecting you… at least you’re doing everything right! There’s no need to quit doing the right thing because everything doesn’t suddenly go your way. Be patient, and pray.

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