10 Things to Remember When Talking to your Kids About Sex

Remember the old days? Parents would notice a child had turned 15, then sneak into their room to leave a booklet about “the birds and the bees” by the bed. The material was subtle, tasteful, and minimally helpful, featuring maybe a half-dozen vague black and white drawings. That was it, end of story - certainly no discussion.

Well, those days are long gone! There’s no avoiding conversation about sex anymore. And, with the amount of information available to youngsters today, that’s probably a good thing.  But the “Facts of Life” don’t necessarily add up to the truth about relationships. That’s the purview of the family, and also a great opportunity to open up quality dialog with our kids.

 So let’s talk about a few things to keep in mind when the subject comes up – and it will:

1. It’s inevitable: Someone is going to talk to your child about sex, that’s a given – so it might as well be you.

2. Avoid message creep: If you keep the lines of communication open, you can control the message and correct wrong messages.

3. Build a foundation as early as possible: Children are naturally curious; curiosity is a good thing. But, curiosity without foundational principles leads to confusion.

4. Have your ducks in a row: Make sure you know where you stand on matters of principle; make sure you have a moral basis for any discussion; make sure you have more information than your child.

5. Answer questions, but avoid browbeating: Questions need to be answered; they don’t need to be used as openings for one more lecture.

6. What you don’t know will hurt them: You need to know what it is that your kid already knows – so ask already!

7. Shaming damages relationships - and closes the door to communication:.Shame is neither a useful learning took nor a valid moral intervention.

8. This is Jeopardy, not Wheel of Fortune: If a sex-related word crops up in your kid’s vocabulary, you need to make sure that it is defined accurately and used appropriately; knowing how to spell is not enough.

9. Don’t be naïve: If you thought about it, or did it, or were exposed to it at their age – you can bet they’re at least that savvy already!

10. Don’t assume anything: Don’t assume that the media has it right about kids the age of your child. But, don’t assume innocence either. If fact, don’t assume anything! That’s why open communication is the most effective contraceptive available.

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