10 Ways to Teach Your Children How to Forgive

An old parable says, "Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”  Most of us find it very difficult to forgive. When we forgive we set a chain of positive reactions in motion. The opposite increases negative emotions and destruction. Instill in your children the ability to forgive and let go. It will bring them peace in their lives.

1. Sibling Arguments

   All siblings bicker and fight. They argue over just about anything you can think of and many things you would never consider. Sometimes these squabbles lead to lasting resentment. Petty disagreements need to be worked out on their own. It’s part of their social growth. However when things take a turn towards the serious, a parent should intervene. Those are the moments to speak of and teach forgiveness. Shake hands and wipe the slate clean.

2. Unconditional Forgiveness

   Many times the object of our forgiveness neither wants it nor thinks it’s necessary. In that person’s mind they did nothing to warrant you forgiving them. Teach your kids to forgive anyway. What matters is that your child has feelings that need to be released. Unconditionally forgive even when it’s not reciprocated.

3. There Is No Winner

   When you forgive someone else, it should never be considered a victory. The words “I told you so” should not be included in the act. “I knew this was going to happen, but I forgive you anyway.” That is not an act of healing. It is a declaration of victory. Teach your kids that winning is not the objective.

4. No Stipulations

   By placing stipulations on our forgiveness, we are not truly forgiving. “If you make my bed for the next week I will forgive you.” That’s extortion, not forgiveness. Teach your children that there are no “spoils of war.”

5. Give It Time

   We can’t make our children forgive someone. If we pressure them to say something when they don’t mean it, nothing gets solved. Explain the importance and the benefits of forgiving, however the actual act must come from their heart and not our demands. Give it time.

6. Teach Perspective

   We tend to only see our side of an issue. We need to teach our kids proper perspective—to be able to see things from the other side. For instance your child has a good friend that has suddenly dropped out of her life. She feels betrayed and bitter. All your daughter knows is what she’s feeling, but that’s only half the story.  Help her to think about what her friend might be feeling…maybe something happened to keep her away that is out of her control.  You don’t know.  Don’t jump to conclusions. Forgiving is much easier when we know the whole story and not just half of it 

7. Don’t Spin Your Wheels

   What do you gain by holding a grudge? Feelings of resentment keep you from moving forward in a positive way. You can’t get ahead if you’re always looking back. Don’t allow your kids to be stuck in the mud, spinning their wheels. Call a tow truck named forgiveness

8. Garbage In, Garbage Out

   If you fill up on rage and bitterness, then that’s what you’ll give back.  You can’t get clean water from a dirty glass.  Fill your heart and mind with peace and forgiveness, so you’ll be ready to pour that into others.  Bitterness isn’t good for anyone…it destroys you from the inside out and leads to a life of loneliness and isolation.  Teach your kids to fill up on forgiveness.

9. Enlighten Your Child

   When a child is hateful or unforgiving it’s usually because they are only thinking of themselves.  They can’t see outside of what matters to them. That same attitude grows with them into adulthood. All that matters is their own small world and the few that dwell within it. You can enlighten your child to a broader world view. Help them to see past themselves.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Visit an orphanage. Discuss human suffering around the planet. Once you see how other people experience life, our struggles suddenly seem smaller…making it a whole lot easier to forgive.

10. The Golden Rule

    “Treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves.” is the standard of all human morality and the major tenet of many religions. This should be the first lesson you teach your child. Reinforce that lesson continually. Forgiveness is the natural result of its application.

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