“If I go there will be trouble, and if I stay it will be double, so you gotta let me know, should I stay or should I go?” – The Clash
Assuming the fact that 50% of all marriages end in divorce, it’s safe to say that many men reading this today have asked that question. Should I stay or should I go? So, what’s the correct answer? We can’t answer that question for you because we don’t know your situation. However, there are a few things you should think about before you consider leaving.
If you are going through this now or know someone who is, this will help you. This 5-point roadmap will light the path in answering the question, “Should I stay or should I go?”
Identify the Real Issues.
Troubled marriages can feel like war, and effective war is waged by creating distractions and misdirection. Sort through the haze and get to the actual heart of what is causing the marriage to be in danger. Are you no longer compatible? Why? Has trust vanished, and how can it be reestablished? Pinpoint the trouble and bring it into the light.
Determine Your Choices.
Once you’ve established what the true issues are, brainstorm all of the potential options on how to move forward. Base these options on your faith, your beliefs, your abilities, and the best interests of the whole family.
Visualize the Outcome of Each Option.
If you choose path A, what will the consequences be? What about path B? Will your children suffer needlessly? Will you and your wife be miserable? If you were to leave, what effect would that have on your daughter’s future trust in men? How will your son react to being split in his loyalty to his mother and father? These are difficult questions to consider, but they are real and must be accounted for properly.
Take the Matter to Prayer and Trusted Friends.
There is a Proverb that says the heart of a man plans his ways, but the Lord establishes his steps. Pray. Even if such a notion is silly to you, pray anyway. Is your family not worth every effort? Solicit the advice and wisdom of your trusted family and friends, and take their words and experiences into your final decision as well.
Family First, You Last.
Make your final decision and do so with the conviction that you’ve considered all possible options and outcomes very seriously. As the head of the family, make this decision the way all true leaders make decisions—by placing any selfish desires and needs last on your agenda. What is best overall for the family you lead? It is never going to be easy being a man, a husband, and a father.
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Huddle up with your wife tonight and talk about what your biggest struggle is right now.