It’s important that we understand that the concepts of “difficult marriage” and “good marriage” can be compatible. The truth is the best relationships involve challenge because challenge is typically a prerequisite for experiencing the best. If your marriage does not involve challenge (and even conflict) then you are, in all likelihood, barely scraping the surface of what is possible in terms of a life-charged relationship. So if you are experiencing a difficult marriage hang in there.
Life is always a work in progress and so are the best marriages. As you work out your commitment to create a better marriage, here are 10 ways to survive and thrive in a difficult marriage.
1. Remember the most important element in the meaning of love is commitment.
Great relationships are predicated on long-term faithfulness. Time is not just a great healer; time also provides the space we need to work things out.
2. Apply the biological definition of “life” to your marriage.
Life is that which distinguishes something vital and functional from something that is dead.
Life is a force associated with animation, or vigor.
Life is a state characterized by metabolism, growth, the ability to react, reproduction and constant adaptation via internal change.
3. Change your perception.
Real life is challenging and life without challenge is, by definition, “life-less.” All of us enjoy a little calm. But try viewing difficulties in your marriage as opportunities to grow.
4. Consider the fact that there are always two alternatives to every situation.
We can either elevate the experience or make it worse. Your response sets the trajectory and sets into motion what is possible.
5. Connect with a support group.
Your wife and you both need to be surrounded by deliberate encouragement and loving accountability. To find that, you need to surround your marriage with couples who are in strong relationships.
6. Commit to positive change in yourself.
Do you want your spouse to change? The only person you can change in a marriage is yourself. Positive personal growth can be the catalyst for positive change in the relationship.
7. Hold yourself accountable.
Always look for where you can accept responsibility first. When we are willing to be the change we imagine we have already opened the gate for positive change in our spouse.
8. Never blame.
Resist the urge to blame your wife for difficulties, even when you know you’re doing your best. The assignment of blame is always a step backward.
9. Always affirm.
Don’t lie because insincerity always falls flat. However, when we find positives and then follow them with heart-felt affirmation, we demonstrate both compassion and belief. Belief is a strong asset to a marriage.
10. Love with increasing eloquence.
Always aim to raise your own game. When we love our wives with creativity and energy, what we’re doing is the best kind of leadership available. It’s called leading from the front with the heart of a servant.
Remember the most important element in the meaning of love is commitment.
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Do you know what it means to thrive? Have you ever felt like you were thriving?”