If you’re trying to learn how to improve your marriage, well done. It may not be as complicated as you think. Sure, your spouse may be complicated, your situation may be complicated, and you are certainly complicated. But often it’s the uncomplicated, micro moves that make a big difference.
On social media, I asked, “What are the little things that mean a lot to your wife?” Immediately, my friends flooded my feed with talk of coffee and dishwashers. My wife really loves it when I make the bed. It takes two minutes despite the ridiculous number of purposeless pillows. So if you are wondering how to improve your marriage, create a list of little things that are big things to your wife and practice one of them for a week. To jumpstart your list, here are 12 micro-moves for your marriage.
1. Be nice.
Ask yourself, “Am I nicer to my wife or others?”
2. Don’t say everything you think.
Ask yourself, “Would this opinion draw her closer to me or push her away?”
3. Pick up after yourself.
Ask yourself, “What’s the last mess I left that my wife had to clean up?”
4. Don’t mention your wife’s messiness.
Ask yourself, “When was the last time I made a comment to my wife about something I should have ignored?”
5. Hug your wife without the goal of initiating sex.
Ask yourself, “When was the last time I kissed or hugged my wife without the expectation of sex?”
6. Don’t get frustrated with your wife’s mistakes.
Ask yourself, “What was my wife’s last mistake, and how did I handle it?”
7. Ask your wife how she is doing, and listen to the answer.
Ask yourself, “When was the last time I asked my wife with no agenda, ‘Hey, babe, how are you doing?’”
8. Don’t be on your phone during mealtime.
Ask yourself, “In what contexts should I not be on my phone?”
9. Pay attention when your wife is talking.
Ask yourself, “Do I look at my wife’s face when she is talking?”
The sum total of your micro moves equals the condition of your marriage.10. Enjoy your wife’s humor whether it’s funny or not.
Ask yourself, “Do I laugh when my wife laughs?”
11. Leave your wife a Post-It note of gratitude.
Ask yourself, “What is something my wife does that I need to acknowledge with a Post-It note?”
12. Do a chore your wife dislikes.
Ask yourself, “What chore could I do that would make my wife pass out in joyous confusion?”
While these may be small examples, that’s the point. Marriages are made up of micro moves. The sum total of your micro moves equals the condition of your marriage
Sound off: What is one micro move that speaks macro love to your wife?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is one little thing I do that means a lot to you?”