I remember my freshman year at the University of Virginia. I bonded with a lot of my college teammates right away. It makes sense why. We were all similar—young guys, juggling class and football, playing video games, and dreaming about the future. But finding your people isn’t always that easy. Fast forward to my rookie year in the NFL, when things were noticeably different. The locker room was full of rookies, veterans, single guys, married guys, and parents. It wasn’t homogeneous, like dorm life. For the most part, any connection or bonding ended when leaving the facility.
This is a problem outside of football, too. Men, on average, have fewer close, emotional connections than years ago. About 1 in 7 men say they don’t have any close friends. That’s tough! The truth is, that’s why finding your people is important. We all thrive when we are part of a tight-knit, team-like atmosphere. If you don’t have one, it’s not too late to build one. Here are 3 steps to building your team.
1. Build bonds.
I was drafted by Atlanta in a pre-iPhone world. Yes, way back in 2004. When I finished playing in 2020, the COVID year, the locker room was a totally different place. I’d walk in after meetings and see rows of guys staring at phones while sitting at their lockers. I’d crack jokes about how they must just be texting each other from across the room. I longed for things to look the way they didn’t when I played in Houston. Guys prioritized building bonds in person outside the lines, not just on the field. We had a group of 10 to 15 guys who would hang out after work, all dealing with similar life circumstances, talking about our highs and lows of life, marriage, and kids. I believe we were made to live in community. It’s where we thrive. It can be tough for men to build lasting bonds because it requires us to be intentional, vulnerable, and available. It’s easy to sit at home by yourself. It takes work to assimilate with other likeminded men, but it’s worth it.
2. Strengthen bonds.
Once you make those bonds, do whatever fortifies them. My teammates and I would go out and golf a lot or eat together on road trips. We would do the extra, after-practice outings with the goal of getting tighter. I firmly believe the chemistry we built during those outings showed up during one or two crucial touchdown drives per year. This isn’t just a football thing. It applies to any man out there searching for connection. Once you’ve made those initial bonds at school, work, at church, or with neighbors, invest in each other to make those bonds strong. It is how guys establish trust in each other.
3. Don’t let bonds fizzle.
I played in the NFL for 17 years and loved every second. But, now it’s over. Thankfully, the bonds I built and kept strong during my playing days are still alive and well. I still text weekly, sometimes daily, with old teammates who really have supported me through the years. Dan Orlovsky and I are super tight. Same with Kevin Walter. We were teammates in Houston and walked through many life seasons together. We get together now and watch our kids play. It’s such a joy to see them hanging out, running, playing, laughing like their dads used to do at practice. Those moments would not have happened had we not committed to staying close as men.
You can have bonds like this, too. It’s all about finding your people. Take the time to send the text, make the call, plan the trip, and keep those friendship embers lit. It’ll build you up as a man and benefit your family, too. It’s tough to keep up with everyone, but you have to keep up with someone.
Sound off: Who in your life would you like to build a better bond with?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Who is your best friend? What makes that person your best friend?”