As the soldiers tore him away from her, Leia realized this might be the last chance to tell him how she really felt. She looked him in the eyes and firmly declared: “I love you.” Han Solo looked back and replied, “I know.” Han was a man’s man, a guy who shoots first and asks questions later, and one who didn’t touch his emotions unless he had to. In this moment, even though he might die, he wasn’t going to stray from that—a great illustration of one of the most common boy stereotypes.
Being unable to share emotions is just one stereotype our society has about boys. From Han Solo to James Bond, we come across many men who seem to unfeelingly do whatever needs to be done. While some stereotypes harmless, some are dangerous if our sons grow up to believe or embrace them. Here are 4 boy stereotypes to dispel for your son.
1. Boys are stupid.
While Solo and Bond seem to represent a goal of what manhood ought to be, they are the exception. The other example of what it means to be a man is found in characters like Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin: men who are incompetent, dim-witted, and ignorant. While we all have some work to do on improving ourselves, it’s a lie to believe that boys are stupid. We need to show our sons that we are willing to work on our weaknesses (and they can, too.)
2. Boys don’t cry.
It doesn’t matter how much it hurts or the severity of the bad news he just received; a boy isn’t supposed to cry. He’s supposed to be tough, not vulnerable, and showing emotion is a sign of weakness. The problem is that not showing emotions isn’t the same thing as not having emotions. We need to teach our boys how to feel, process, and share emotions they are bound to experience.
3. Boys only care about one thing (sex).
It is rare today to find a teenage show where sex isn’t one of the central themes. Boys in these shows seem to constantly either be having sex or trying to. Without considering the fact that actors in teenage shows are usually well into their 20s, this isn’t a healthy view of life, love, or relationships. We need to teach our sons that while sex is beautiful and powerful, it’s not what makes you a man.
(For bonus points, have a look at 5 Ways to Raise Boys Who Make the World Better for Women)
4. Boys don’t do “women’s” chores.
The reality of household schedules and individual abilities means that for most couples, certain household chores have been split between husband and wife. One might do more of the cooking while the other does yard work. The problem comes when a boy starts to believe that this is the only way to do jobs. For example, he’ll think laundry should only be done by a woman while a man does physical tasks. Be a model for your son, noticing whatever chore needs to be done around the house and doing it.
Sound off: What’s another boy stereotype to dispel for your son?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Look around the house for a minute. Can you spot three chores that need to be done?”