Most parents have a basic understanding that disciplining a child is necessary in order for them to develop properly. However, parenting can often be uncomfortable, inconvenient, and hard work. Over time, it becomes tempting to let some of those basic proven practices slide for various ‘more convenient’ substitutes.
When correction or discipline is needed, it would be a whole lot easier to just default to one of these more convenient methods to get the result we want from our children. But the problem is that while they may bring about an immediate desired result, they most often work against both you and your child in the long run. Disciplining a child can be challenging. Here are five common discipline strategies every dad should avoid.
This is probably one of the most common… parents who seem to think that the louder they get, the more their kids will listen. But deep down, every parent knows that louder voices don’t raise more obedient kids. In fact, this trains children to know exactly how much they can get away with before their parents reach a “snapping point,” when they know they’d better listen or else. Unfortunately, children know all too well how to play this game, because parents are the ones who’ve taught them the rules.But deep down, every parent knows that louder voices don’t raise more obedient kids.
If yelling doesn’t work, threats often follow. Sentences that start with the words “if you do that again…” become all too common, but most often used only to achieve immediate conformity until another threat has to be given a short while later. One of the great dangers of threat-based parenting is that the stated consequences are very rarely followed through on, and children quickly pick up on the fact that such threats are nothing more than clouds without rain.
Sometimes, parents will resort to begging and pleading with their children to obey and trying to lure them into obedience with bribery. While there is definitely a proper place for positive incentives in parenting, using bribery as an ongoing form of disciplining a child teaches the wrong motivation for proper behavior. If a parent’s ultimate desire is to teach their children proper character and behavior as a way of life, using bribery can cause them to think that they always deserve to get something in return for good behavior.
This one may not be as common, but I have seen it on multiple occasions, where parents will use the innocent and trusting nature of their child to their advantage. This might include making them believe you’re going to leave them behind if they don’t get a move on it or tricking them into smiling for the camera by telling them to do the opposite, and banking on their disobedience. While trickery may work, especially at young ages, it also often works against what you are trying to accomplish in your parenting.
While parents would never condone their children lying to them, sometimes parents intentionally lie to their children. Don’t tell your kids you’ll give them $100 or take them to Disney Land if they behave in the store if you know full well that you have no intentions of following through on such promises. When a parent promises to do something for an obedient child and then fails to deliver on that promise, they undercut their parenting effectiveness by eroding future trust.
I hope you won’t fall into the trap of any of these bad substitutes for what your children really need – loving correction, consistent discipline, and a parent’s loving example.
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Why do you think it’s important for me to discipline you when you step out of line?”