There was a lot wrong in Dennis and Ann’s tennis game—and with their marriage. In tennis, both were willing to cheat the other to win and didn’t take losing very well: “…one year we spent several days of a family vacation not speaking to each other after a game.” It shouldn’t be surprising that when Ann wrote about the near breakup of her marriage to actor/comedian Dennis Leary, she saw the parallel between the way they treated each other and the way they played tennis—they’d do anything to be the winner. When they reached a point where each was able to share and listen to the other’s grievances instead of trying to “win” at all costs, things changed, and they were able to save their marriage.
From time to time, many couples start to feel, as the Learys did, that their marriage is on the brink. The reasons for this are numerous and often beyond our control. But as a loving husband, there are also many things that will drive you to do whatever it takes to save your marriage. Here are 5 reasons to choose your wife, even when it’s difficult.
1. Your marriage is worth fighting for.
Think back to the day you proposed; there was something good there. You saw something in this woman that made you want to grow old with her. As the years pass, kids and struggles can make you forget the reasons you asked her to marry you. Remember the early days of your relationship and marriage and use that as motivation when things get tough.
2. Remember she’s not the enemy.
One of the necessary skills for a marriage is learning how to fight well. Lesson one: Your wife is not your enemy. You’re on the same side working toward the same goals for your family and life together. Don’t look to win the fight or score points. Concentrate instead on who she is and the relationship, which are far more important than this issue.
3. It’s what you vowed to do.
No one gets married to get divorced. This is why wedding vows speak of love and faithfulness “’til death do us part.” It might help you to review and memorize the words you spoke to your bride on your wedding day so when hard days come, you’re willing to be a man of your word, and do whatever it takes to keep the promise you made.
4. Strength comes from adversity.
Muscles are literally built by pushing the body through pain. The same is true in marriages. People don’t have strong marriages without putting in the work and persevering through marital struggles. When these seasons show up, you need to be willing to do the consistent and difficult work. When you learn how to work through hard times together, your marriage grows just like a muscle does.
5. Change must start somewhere.
We’ve all heard the saying “pride comes before the fall.” This is especially true in marital conflict. Hurt feelings on both sides can lead to a situation where both spouses are hanging on to the hurts the other has caused. The only way to break this stalemate is for someone to apologize or ask for help. When your wife sees you choosing her—especially when it involves swallowing your pride—how she responds and acts will often change, too.
Sound off: What are other reasons to stick with your wife when facing marital challenges?
For a deeper discussion about this subject, check out this All Pro Dad podcast episode.
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How do you stop an argument from turning into a fight?”