On a typical Saturday after church, you’ll find Donna Deklavon and her crew hanging out by the pool, making burgers, and getting ready for movie night. Being together is important, especially now that the big kiddos are out of the house and grandbabies have added to their numbers. Whether they are serving together at a food pantry or throwing a party, spending time together has always been a priority and something that Donna and her late husband Bill worked hard to establish.
Donna and Bill met in college. He was a basketball player, and she was a cheerleader. They fell in love, got married, and 18 months later they started a family. They had 3 beautiful girls – Jessica, Kristen, and Brianna – but always dreamed about caring for more children. Early on they thought of adoption often, but life happened, and they soon found themselves juggling roles. Bill was a teacher and Donna worked at a hospital, but eventually came home to care for their children. She eventually went back to school to get her master’s degree in social work and worked on and off before they made the choice to homeschool their children.
When their youngest daughter was about 7 years old, the church they attended brought in 4Kids, a local nonprofit serving children in the foster care system to speak to the congregation about the needs in their area. What Donna and Bill heard that day sounded a lot like what they had wanted to do. Soon afterwards, they found themselves taking the necessary steps to become a licensed foster home and assessing what it would look like for their family to step in to care.
As a stay-at-home Mom, Donna was able to fill the need to care for infants. The nursery was quickly filled and they cared for 2 little ones before their third placement, a little boy, came to them from a local shelter. Theodore had special needs, but that wasn’t a concern to them, and they fully embraced him and welcomed him to their family. Their desire to care for more children had grown quickly, and because his situation wasn’t temporary, they opened their home to care for another child with extraordinary circumstances. Isaiah Ray came to them weighing in at 1 pound, 4 ounces, and overnight they doubled the number of cribs in the nursery. The first few months were busy, with lots of doctor appointments and treatments, but both boys did well, their health improved, and they started the journey that would eventually lead to their adoption as sons.
3 years after the boys settled in, Donna and Bill were made aware of a unique situation. They were asked to step in to care for a little girl who was ready to be adopted and she immediately moved in. After a few weeks they began the process to adopt her and few months later Elizabeth became their 4th daughter and completed their tribe. Being a mixed-race couple, the providence of God in the forming of their family is something that brings a smile to Donna’s face. “Our first adopted son looked like me. Our second adopted son looked like my husband. And our daughter is mixed race,” she says, “the beauty and purpose in that is so special to me.”
The journey of foster care and adoption has been filled with joys and struggles, highs and lows. When asked about the challenges, Donna is an open book, sharing how the bonding between their biological children and their adopted children was easy as infants, but as the children grew older it proved more difficult with their youngest daughter losing her place in the birth order and moving from the “baby” of the family to the middle child with special needs siblings whose physical challenges from infancy to adulthood have been extensive. In addition, the emotional challenges the children have faced, with the issues of abandonment surfacing in the teen years, have required attention in ways they could never have expected or prepared for. The children’s desire for biological relationships has been strong, but that desire to connect has been met at times with heartbreak, with the struggles their birth family have endured as well. We have always been very open about the fact that we chose our adopted children and wanted more than anything for them to find wholeness and healing, but we have surrendered to the fact that we can’t fix things or control outcomes.
In most recent years, the greatest struggle for Donna and the kids came in January of 2022 when Bill was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that took his life 2 months later. “Things have been difficult,” Donna shares tearfully. Raising 3 teenagers and trying to balance life as a single Mom has been hard. “Bill was a good man; a good father, and he loved his adoptive children with just as much intention as his biological children.” She continued to share that even after his death, the way that Bill provided for the family has been a continual reminder of his deep love for them. It has allowed Donna to stay home with the kids and continue the journey of educating their adopted children from home and leading them through the teen years and into adulthood. “If it was up to him, Bill would have adopted many more.”
Donna wants to share about her experiences and the things she has learned with others choosing to step into the beauty and brokenness of foster care. “A lot of foster children and adopted children need to reconcile what’s happened to them,” she says, “and many times the anger and venom get directed toward the foster or adoptive parents because they are the only ones close enough to communicate their hurts with. Keeping the line of communication open is so important. Not taking their hurt personally is also important. Validating their worth, their value, is critical.” Donna wholeheartedly feels that if the birth families can be safe, it’s important to the children’s well-being to be connect to their siblings, parents, extended family. She also believes that it’s imperative to let the children lead the way in the building of relationship with their biological families, and that it has to happen at their own pace.
In reflecting on her thoughts before and after stepping into adoption, Donna adds, “If you are thinking of adoption, thoughtfully consider and be prepared for all the stages of life. You must think long term. The teen years are tough for children, even if they are not fostered or adopted. So just be prepared. You are not their savior, and sometimes they won’t be thankful but if you trust the Lord to lead and guide you and give them the best assistance for mental, emotional, physical, and relational health, they can grow through it and into adulthood.”
Donna knows the hard, holy work of fostering, and shared that those considering stepping into foster care, should remember to “hold everything lightly”. The journey she and her husband Bill started years ago has been and continues to be a faith walk. “As a control freak myself, I have had to learn over and over to hold everything with an open hand and to let go of my desire to have things the way I want them. This is a journey of trust.”
Nothing has taught Donna to trust more than these past 2 years. In reflecting on all that has transpired, she shared, “God knew my husband would pass. He also knew how much joy these children would bring to my life in Bill’s absence. I can’t begin to imagine my life without them. As much as Bill and I chose them, God chose them for us, for me, and I can see His hand of mercy in all that life has brought our way.”
Donna’s commitment to care is inspiring. Her heart to come alongside others to share the wisdom she has learned through the years is just of many reasons she was nominated to receive recognition by All Pro Dad and the Florida Department of Children and Families as a 2024 Hall of Fame recipient.