wife watching porn

Can A Husband and Wife Watching Porn Together Be Good?

Whenever I write an article regarding porn I find the dialogue in the comments section interesting. It is definitely a controversial subject, but I’m always surprised by the anger it creates and those who unblushingly defend it. There was one comment that particularly had me taken aback. He proclaimed that he used it all of the time to have a satisfying sexual relationship with his wife.

His comment did get me thinking. One of the biggest arguments against porn use is that it is done in secrecy and the deception is harmful to the relationship. But what about when both the husband and wife openly watch it together? Every relationship is different and I am in no position to tell a couple what they should and shouldn’t do. However, for those that do or are considering the question, “Can a husband and wife watching porn together be good?” I would ask the following three questions.

Is it the best way to achieve intimacy?

Forget for a moment whether it is good or bad for the relationship. The question is, does it lead to the greatest possible sex? Sex reaches ultimate pleasure when there is love and connection physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The only way to go full tilt on all three levels is to focus on one another. Directing our concentration from our spouse to a screen may give a feeling of exhilaration. However, in the end, it creates a false sense of closeness in the same way taking steroids gives a false sense of strength. It’s hollow and a distraction from the time that could be spent exploring one another openly and fully.

Is it worth the risk?

Some may argue that viewing porn together facilitates open conversation and gives stagnant married couples ideas. Again, I would ask is this the best way, particularly with all of the dangers that come with pornography? Couples can be just as open and adventurous sexually without inviting all of the high percentage risks pornography brings such as addiction, jealousy, insecurity, and skewed expectations (which become unmet expectations). Openness, honesty, trust, and vulnerability begins with looking into each other’s eyes. [Tweet This] It definitely doesn’t begin by watching other people faking what you could be doing meaningfully and authentically.

Is it worth supporting the porn industry?

Think about what you are feeding outside your home. As a couple, you are giving life to an industry that attracts hurting people, many of whom are kids. Then those people give us a momentary thrill while they get degraded, dehumanized, exploited, abused in most cases, and sometimes even trafficked. In an interview with ABC News, a porn actress who was defending the industry was asked how she would feel if her adult children came to her and told her they wanted to become porn stars. She admitted, “I would have to look at myself and wonder where I messed up as a parent.” That is a direct quote from someone who was actually trying to paint the porn industry with a positive brush. If it’s bad for her kids, it’s bad for everyone.

Sound Off

What are your thoughts about watching porn with your wife?

BJ Foster

BJ Foster is the Director of Content Creation for All Pro Dad and a married father of two.

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