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tell the truth

Tell the Truth

There is ancient wisdom packed into a couple of still-familiar sayings: “Physician, heal thyself” and “Get rid of the log in your own eye before you deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” Each of these proverbs emphasizes how you’ve got to take stock of yourself and deal with your own problems before launching a campaign to “heal” someone else. When married couples come in for counseling, one of the most foundational principles we usually have to work on is to tell the truth. That might sound surprising. It sounds simple enough; just tell the truth. But couples can accrue years and layers of secrets, hiding, deception, lying, or manipulation. Over time, it can get challenging just to say things how they really are and agree not to run from the truth. When I spell out this principle, most people look at their spouse and think, “Yeah. You really need this. I hope you can see and deal with the truth because I’m about to give you some!” Can you relate to this? I can. I’m usually able to think of a few things I’d like my wife to see and understand from my perspective. But we’ve got to slow down for a moment. Do you know where we need to start telling the truth? To ourselves. Even before telling the truth to a spouse, health in marriage starts with a long, honest look in the mirror. So in this case: Husband, heal thyself. You’ve got something in your eye there. This isn’t to say wives don’t have any issues they need to work on. They do. It's just that in my experience counseling couples, there are some key areas where men and husbands are particularly vulnerable to blindness. See if you recognize yourself in any of these areas. If you do, you’d be wise to start working on your marriage by first addressing the tendencies that require correcting in yourself. . . .

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