“Ugh!” My daughter let out an exasperated expression as she walked in the door from work. “What’s the matter, kiddo?” She replied, “I just had a four-hour shift at work, and I realized that one day, all I will do is get up, go to work, come home, and barely have time to eat and clean up just so I can go to sleep and do it all again the next day!” I laughed, but I was also a bit saddened by this statement. After all, what a bleak outlook for the next 40 to 50 years of her life.
For many of our children, their teenage years include their first foray into the workforce. It’s also the time when they are beginning to realistically consider what they might want to do as a career. Unfortunately, many of our teens are picking up messages that create a sense of despair about the prospect of “working the rest of their lives.” And to be honest, many of these negative ideas are coming from us. In fact, here are 3 harmful ideas we’re teaching our teens about work.
1. Work is a necessary evil.
Many of our teens hear the message from us that work is a necessary evil. We hate it, but we have to do it to make money. So we long for the weekend and retirement (a “permanent” weekend) and dread Mondays. This can paint work as a great enemy to be overcome. Think about the all-too-common dream of winning the lottery so you never have to work again. But what if there is another way to think about work?
Work is also one of the ways you and I get to play a part in “making” the world in which we live. Leo Tolstoy famously reflected that his idea of happiness included “work that one hopes may be of some use.” What if instead of teaching our teens that work is an unfortunate requirement, we taught them that work is an important invitation to participate in creating a world that is good, useful, beautiful, and safe? How might that view change teens and work from their perspective?
2. Work is primarily about income.
As my children have each considered their future career, there is always a conversation about the type of salary the career provides. Obviously this question matters, but with teens and work, make this a factor but not the deciding one. There is much value in work beyond the amount of money you make. If you make a lot of money but hate what you do every day, I wouldn’t call that a good tradeoff. Likewise, if you make a lot of money but are conflicted about the ethics of what you do, that’s a bad deal.
There are two parts to this in my opinion. I try to encourage my kids to do something they feel matters but in a way that makes the work environment a better place. There is a vast array of jobs that make the world better, we need to choose to work those jobs in a way that also improves the quality of life for those working with you. This isn’t easy, but it is meaningful. And with teens and work, they need to see that there’s a real opportunity for them to participate in making the world a better place both in what they do and in how they do it.
3. Work is an interruption to my “real” life.
Sometimes we can give our teens the impression that “real life” is what happens on evenings or weekends, on vacations and in retirement. We act like work is something that gets in the way of “real life.” But most of our waking lives as adults are spent working. This is not an interruption of life but an integral part of it. So we need to help our teens think about how they work, not how they can stop working. By “how they work,” I mean who are you becoming as you work? Are you doing your work in a way that you can feel proud of? Are you treating your coworkers and/or customers with dignity and respect?
All of this is really about character formation. With teens and work, it’s not only or even primarily about what they are doing but about who they are becoming as they do it. I encourage you to help your teens begin to think as much (or more) about how they work as what work they do. Remind them that their work matters. Point out small things people do throughout the day as part of their work that actually makes a difference (a smile, going the extra mile to help, listening well…). And, hardest of all, look to model this in your own life and work.
Sound off: How are you helping your teenager think about work now and into the future?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you think your dream job would be?”