how to assess yourself

3 Ways to Assess Yourself as a Dad

Standing in the kitchen this morning and holding a plastic cup, my five-year-old son asked me, “Dad, did God create this cup?” Now, I could’ve said, “Yes, son, God created that cup.” But, in the moment, I said as sincerely as I knew how, “Son, a human designed that cup. But God created the human who designed the cup. So…” My son quickly moved on to his breakfast, so it didn’t matter all that much in the grand scheme.

But here’s where, if I pause to think about it, I might be winning as a dad. My five-year-old is thinking about God. Maybe I’m doing something right because he’s asking the right questions. Maybe there are areas where you’re winning as a dad as well. Do you know how to assess yourself? Do you know if you’re doing a decent job? Here are 3 ways to assess yourself as a dad.

1. Your Relationship to Yourself

Do you have a healthy idea of your strengths and weaknesses? Do you understand your personality and how you relate to your kids? Are you empathetic or not? Do you explain how you feel or show emotions or disappointment well? Are you never showing emotions or are you constantly showing emotions? Do you say everything you think or do your kids never know what you’re thinking? All of this shapes your kids and your home. 

As a dad, seek to understand how your personality drives your responses in your home. Sure, there’s no exact science. But knowing and continually assessing yourself is vital if you want to be a better dad and help your kids understand themselves as they mature. Point is, you want to connect with yourself and know how you think and where your head is at all times. 

2. Your Relationship to Others

One of the most powerful things you can do as a dad is model the fruits of the spirit in your home.

We need to have healthy relationships with others—through good and bad times. How do you respond when someone wrongs you? Galatians 5:22-23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Do your kids often see these fruits—or something else—in your house? 

One of the most powerful things you can do as a dad is model the fruits of the spirit in your home. Do you have healthy relationships? Is your lifestyle one of love, joy, peace, kindness, and forgiving quickly? Be the dad who is gentle, patient, full of joy, and loves others. I promise, your kids will be more likely to live this way if they see it in you. 

3. Your Relationship to God

Jesus says in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without me.” When you live apart from God, you’re prone to living selfishly at best or manipulatively at worst. For me as a dad, I need God’s help to be the dad my kids need otherwise I’ll fall short every single time. My relationship to God should guide me as a dad. If I get my strength, comfort, and help from Him rather than trying to get it from somewhere else, then I’ll be able to focus on the right priorities, have integrity, and engage with the proper motivations.

I know many dads struggle because they aren’t connected to the right root. It’s important to know what motivates you. Slow down and in the quietness, decide what you truly care about most. I know for me, if I’m living disconnected from Jesus, it’s a recipe for disaster. I’ll end up living for myself, being unfocused, and will ultimately become exhausted.

Sound off: How are you doing in these three areas as a dad right now? 

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How am I doing as a dad right now?”