The Effects of Porn on Marriage

The effects of porn on marriage are widespread and devastating. Researcher Patrick Fagan, Ph.D. completed a major study of pornography and called it a “quiet family killer.” His study found that 56% of divorces had one partner with an obsessive interest in porn. On average, 107,900,000 American men regularly view porn. That’s the admitted figure. I believe well over 90% of the men who will read this (including the one writing it) have viewed porn on the internet. It’s a simple click away at all times. It is the number one temptation facing all adult men.

But it’s a difficult topic to talk about and 87% of adults say they have no one in their life who is helping them avoid pornography. It’s something we just keep silent about. But the reason this site exists is to help us all become better men, and something as treacherous as pornography undermines everything we try to achieve as husbands and fathers. With that in mind, let’s focus on the effects of porn on marriage.

True Passion is Nullified

Great marital sex has little to do with technique, stamina, or experience. The genuine passion built up between two people in love connecting in the highest physical form of intimacy is what makes for great marital sex. This is difficult to achieve even without porn introduced into the equation. Children, stress, and busy schedules all take their toll on genuine passion. Pornography will outright destroy it. In studies, many women will say they don’t feel that their porn-addicted husband is truly present when they make love.

Ridiculous Expectations

Porn is a multi-billion dollar per year industry. It has to be visually exciting and instantly grab your attention to be successful. It’s entertainment performed by actors. Just as your marriage and family life is much different than a 30-minute sitcom, the same applies to your sex life. When we fill our minds with the false images of porn, we naturally take those expectations with us to the bedroom. This leads to disappointment for the husband and a wife with a wrecked self-esteem.

The Loss of Trust and Intimacy

Most, if not all, wives consider their husband viewing pornography as cheating. Another woman, even just her image, has been introduced into your relationship and your wife is now having to compete with her. A marriage is diseased when outside sexual influences work their way into it, and as those influences progress, the marriage falls deeper and deeper into despair. Continual viewing of porn will erode the trust built in your marriage until it is gone completely. Meanwhile, the ability to actually feel intimacy together will wear away at the exact same pace as the trust.

Creates Shame and Emptiness

A husband addicted to porn will justify his actions to himself. He’ll find blame to place on his wife or his life but what he’s really trying to cover up is the shame he’s feeling. The best way to explain this is to imagine the best sex you’ve ever had with your wife and the euphoria that accompanied it afterward. Porn has no chance of ever producing that feeling. It’s not real and it leaves only shame and emptiness after the fact. If allowed to fester in our lives, porn slowly erodes not only our rational senses but our very souls.

Progressively Worse and Unsatisfying

Addictions all work the same way. As they progress, you need more and intensified versions of your addiction. In time, no matter how much is consumed, that satisfied feeling felt in the beginning can never be reached. A porn addict is no different than a drug addict, in that they are both desperately trying to find that high that keeps eluding them. In the end, the addict will either seek help or watch his life fall apart piece by piece. There is hope in the resiliency of the soul. For the sake of all involved, shut the porn down. Seek help. Here is a place to start.