Guilty as charged. My two daughters have me completely wrapped around their fingers. I knew this the first moments I held them in my arms in the hospital. The memory is still vivid of holding my firstborn and promising her I would never let her down. When my second came around, she was in ICU for her first three days. The determination I felt to get her past that moment and into my safety has never waned. For my daughters, I am a total pushover.
To be a pushover means when our kids are angling for something they want, we allow them the victory. Nobody wants to be a pushover, but I promise—with your kids, sometimes it’s OK. Here are 4 moments it’s OK for a dad to be a pushover.
1. When It Means Genuine Time Spent Together
Whatever is being asked of you, such as a visit to an amusement park, a camping trip, or even just taking them to the playground, the first thing we should consider is whether it’ll allow for genuine quality time spent with our children. If the answer is yes, then try to make it happen. Those are the times when lasting bonds and deep relationships blossom.
2. When It Means Creating Lifetime Memories
It’s the little things that separate the good from the great. Big things, like a trip to Disney, will become lifetime memories. However, it’s the smaller moments kids truly cherish in their hearts. One of my favorite memories of my dad is when he took me to a rock concert I badly wanted to see at 12 years old. I was too young to go alone, and he hated the music with a passion, but he chose me over him and we went. His loving gesture is what I keep in my heart, not the concert. By the way, the band was Kiss. Awesome show.
3. When They’re Hurting
It is inevitable that pain is going to come. In these moments with our children, the best thing Dad can be is a pushover. Our instinct is to lecture, but that’s not what they need. They need a safe landing spot. So resist the urge to sort out what went wrong and how to correct the mistakes. There will be time for that later. At the moment they’re hurting, they should know with certainty that Dad is on their side.
4. When It’s for the Sake of Natural Consequences
We have life experience in our parent tool belt. Our kids don’t understand why we keep saying no to what they want, but we are aware the things they’re asking for likely will lead to negative consequences. A simple example of this is a 5-year-old asking, “Dad, why can’t I eat my cereal in front of the TV?” We know the odds of the bowl spilling all over the floor are about 95%. In some instances, we just have to give our kids what they are pushing for and let natural consequences be their teacher. After he spills the bowl, has to clean up the mess, and feels your disappointment, he will have learned what words can’t teach.
Sound off: What are some of the ways you’ve been a pushover as a dad?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are your favorite memories of our family?”