I’ll never forget the moment my colleague lost credibility. For several months, I’d been working on Capitol Hill. As someone who studied political science in college, it was exactly where I wanted to work. During that time, I listened many times to a man I worked with talk about a particular policy and how it should be implemented immediately. That is, until a senator from an opposing party proposed the legislation. All of a sudden, his opinion changed. It occurred to me that he cared more about party politics than he did about policies than could help people. From that point on, his opinion was on a fast track to losing credibility. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but the more I got to know him, the more it happened. My desire to hear his opinion on anything became less and less until I started ignoring him altogether.
Losing credibility paralyzes your influence. We all want people to listen to our opinions and perspectives, especially our kids. But there are things we do that cause us to lose credibility. Unless you want people to ignore you when you start giving your two cents, then avoid doing these 7 things.
1. Only Spending Time With People Who Agree With You
This includes getting all your information from one source. If you watch political commentary or have conversations and always agree, then you need to put yourself in some new circles. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” We don’t get sharper without friction.
2. Lying
This is about trust, plain and simple. If people can’t trust you, then the things you say will be taken with a grain of salt. The best way to do that is to lie. Everything you say moving forward will be questioned if not ignored, even when you’re telling the truth. Commit to telling the truth, even when it’s difficult, and people will want to hear from you.
3. Being an Ideologue
The problem with ideologues is that their opinions aren’t based on facts. They don’t care about the truth as much as they care about their side winning. Cherry picking facts to support certain narratives while ignoring contradictory facts altogether, they won’t even consider an opposing point of view. Proverbs 4:7 advises us to get wisdom and understanding even if it costs us everything. Ideologues don’t search for understanding, and it makes them look foolish and hypocritical.
4. Being a Demagogue
This is specific to leaders, and it’s about what motivates them. Demagogues care only about their own sense of power and control. So, they’ll use people’s prejudices, anger, and fear to gather power for themselves. Similar to ideologues, demagogues take liberties with facts, if not tell outright lies, despite clear facts to the contrary, because it’s all about winning. But Jesus gave this warning: “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.” Hopefully, that will cause all of us to question our motivations and whether or not they’re pure.
5. Gossiping
Similar to lying, this is also about trust. You’ve probably heard the Spanish proverb that says, “Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.” People who gossip tend to care most about getting attention and validation with the information they’re sharing. It also typically involves slandering someone with malice.
6. Sowing Dissension
Earning credibility comes from consistently contributing something positive to people. If you are a person who plays people off of each other, stirs divisiveness, and manipulates to cause drama, eventually people will see it. It’s like what Jesus said in Matthew 7:15–20, “They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?” If drama surrounds you or you consistently have unhealthy relationships, sooner or later, it catches up to you.
7. Saying “God Told Me to Tell You…”
Before I get emails about this one, let me say I do believe God communicates with us. However, I don’t think we should ever tell others that “God told me to tell you something.” Whether we recognize it or not, this statement is lacking in humility, full of arrogance and hubris. By saying God told you to say it, you put the person you’re saying it to in a position that doesn’t allow him or her to question or argue against it. That gives you an air of superiority. I can’t think of a quicker way to shut people off. A better way would be to say something like “This keeps coming to my mind, so I thought I’d bring it to you to see what you think.” That gives others an opportunity to discern for themselves whether the message is applicable to their lives. I believe if you and the person you’re talking to are close to God, and the message really came from Him for this person, that will be clear to both of you, not just to you.
Sound off: What are some other things that put people on the road to losing credibility?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you think is the best way to influence people?”