Author Chance Scoggins relates a very poignant conversation he had with his good friend and mentor, Mike:
Mike knew what was going on with me. He grabbed me by the shoe as he passed my chair, smiled and said, “Those are some cold feet you’ve got there. What’s going on with you? Tell me what you’re afraid of.”
I knew I was about to get some answers, so I was honest with him. I unloaded all of my doubts and at the end, I asked him, “How can I be sure (my wife and I) will last forever?”
“You can’t. You can only be sure it’s going to last forever a day at a time. You make it to forever bit by bit.”
Good answer, but not good enough. “Okay, but how can I trust that who she is today is who she’ll be down the road? How do I know she won’t destroy my heart someday…or that I won’t destroy hers?”
“That’s the wrong question, Chance. That question will keep you from ever fully trusting or committing, in or out of marriage. You should be asking, ‘Can I trust her heart today? Can she trust mine today?’ Then do what it takes to be able to answer, ‘Yes.’ You ask today and again tomorrow and the day after that…that’s how you get to forever.”
All of that seemed good and true, but it still wasn’t enough for me. I desperately wanted some sort of guarantee I couldn’t get. The next words out of Mike’s mouth have become a compass for me. They’re simple, so don’t miss the gift they carry.
“Chance, you want a guarantee? I’ll guarantee you this. 100% of the time that marriages get in trouble, it starts with people saying to themselves, ‘My needs aren’t being met. She’s overlooking me. He’s not doing enough. I deserve better.’ Once you start looking at things in terms of what you are or aren’t getting, you’re on a dangerous road.”
Feel like your marriage is on this rocky path? Then don’t miss the rest of Mike’s sage advice in Chance’s article: Forever, a day at a time.
Huddle up with your wife tonight and ask her: “How can we get to forever?”