effects-of-porn

The Effects of Porn on Marriage

The effects of porn on marriage are widespread and devastating. Researcher Patrick Fagan, Ph.D. completed a major study of pornography and called it a “quiet family killer.” His study found that 56% of divorces had one partner with an obsessive interest in porn.

On average, 40 million Americans regularly view porn, and the overwhelming majority are men. That’s the admitted figure. I feel safe writing to you that I believe well over 90% of the men that will read this (including the one writing it) have viewed porn on the internet. It’s a simple click away at all times. It is the number one temptation facing all adult men. If allowed to fester in our lives, porn slowly erodes not only our rational senses but our very souls. A marriage is diseased when outside sexual influences work their way into it, and as those influences progress, the marriage falls deeper and deeper into despair.

This is a difficult topic for us to talk about. It’s one of those things that we just keep silent. But the reason we are here, the reason this site exists, is to teach us to strive to become better men. Something as treacherous as pornography undermines everything we try to achieve as husbands and fathers. [Tweet This] With that in mind, let’s focus on the effects of porn on marriage.

True Passion is Nullified

Great marital sex has little to do with technique, stamina, or experience. The genuine passion built up between two people in love connecting in the highest physical form of intimacy is what makes for great marital sex. This is difficult to achieve even without porn introduced into the equation. Children, stress and busyness all take their toll on genuine passion. Pornography will outright destroy it. In studies, many women will say they don’t feel that their porn addicted husband is truly present when they make love.

Ridiculous Expectations

Porn is a multi-billion dollar per year industry. It has to be visually exciting and instantly grab your attention to be successful. It’s entertainment performed by actors. Just as your marriage and family life is much different than a 30-minute sitcom, the same applies with your sex life. When we fill our minds with the false images of porn, we naturally take those expectations with us to the bedroom. This leads to disappointment for the husband and a wife with a wrecked self-esteem.

The Loss of Trust and Intimacy

Most, if not all, wives (if they are being honest), consider their husband viewing pornography as cheating. Another woman, even just her image, has been introduced into your relationship and she’s now having to compete with it. Continual viewing of porn will erode the trust built in your marriage until it is gone completely. Meanwhile, the ability to actually feel intimacy together will wear away at the exact same pace as the trust.

Creates Shame and Emptiness

A husband addicted to porn will justify his actions to himself. He’ll find blame to place on his wife or his life but what he’s really trying to cover up is the shame he’s feeling. The best way to explain this is to imagine the best sex ever had with your wife and the euphoria that accompanied it afterwards. Porn has no chance of ever producing that feeling. It’s not real and it leaves only shame and emptiness after the fact.

Progressively Worse and Unsatisfying

Addictions all work the same way. As they progress, you need more and intensified versions of your addiction. In time, no matter how much is consumed, that satisfied feeling felt in the beginning can never be reached. A porn addict is no different than a drug addict, in that they are both desperately trying to find that high that keeps eluding them. In the end, the addict will either seek help or watch his life fall apart piece by piece. There is hope in the resiliency of the soul. For the sake of all involved, shut the porn down.  Seek help. Here is a place to start. 

Source: Marriage Gems

Sound Off

Sound Off: Do you view pornography? Will you consider sharing your struggles with us?


 

  • Jacob

    I’ll kick this off then. 18 year old male who has made the poor choice of pornography. I started at what I assume would be a rather young age of 14. I am ashamed of what I do/have done and I accept full responsibility of my actions. Porn is a credible enemy that I must fight not weekly but every minute. Every time I log onto any internet I am continuously tempted. Quite frankly I grew tired of fighting it and gave in to the urges.
    In closing, porn is a hard vice and I am fighting it.

    • LA

      It’s an addiction worth fighting. Porn can mess you up. Thank you for your honesty.

    • BJ_Foster

      Keep fighting Jacob. LA said it well, it’s worth fighting. And it is a winnable fight. Perhaps this might help. http://www.allprodad.com/how-to-quit-porn/

    • Candice

      Please know that I prayed for you today. Hoping that God will give you the strength to fight this battle. Stay strong!

    • Rob W

      Jacob – First, know that you are not alone and there can be victory. though as you said its a daily choice. I dont know what kind of accountability partners you may have but I would encourage you to find somebody you can be honest with without judgment – and consider an accountability filter on your electronics like Covenant Eyes – http://www.covenanteyes.com/ – also this pamphlet may offer some help file:///C:/Users/rob/Downloads/Slaying-the-Dragon.pdf

      thanks for the courage of sharing! Praying for you. Hang in there.

    • Jeremy

      Praying for you Jacob.

    • Marlene

      Hey Jacob…I too would like to pray for you and send along this link to a podcast that Mark did with Steve – http://www.markmerrill.com/069-every-mans-battle-with-steve-arterburn-podcast. Touch base with us periodically. Praying and believing you will win this fight.

  • JDH*RN

    I’ve had a marriage of almost 30 years filled with a vicious cycle of lies and betrayal offset with promises of giving up porn.
    There have been relationships online, virtual reality relationships and obsessive amount of porn viewing. Where does one find a foundation to start over?
    I’m beginning to believe it is not possible. Even with forgiveness, a heart is not capable to trust yet again. After this long, even when the addict still believes he loves, it’s perhaps time to preserve what little sanity and self worth you may have intact and close a chapter.
    Life is so short. I have willing dedicated most of mine to this cycle. I and my family am a living testimony to the destructive beast called pornography.

Subscribe to the Play of the Day for daily advice, videos and updates on how to be better dad.

Huddle up with your wife tonight and ask her if she’s ever felt like you weren’t really present during sex.

Sorry. No data so far.

love fulfilled webinar
fathers day sale
omaha
char griller