10 Ways to Overcome a Painful Past

Author Scott Peck opens his classic book “The Road Less Travelled” with the following phrase: “Life is difficult.”  The line works because it is so true. Life is not easy, yes - but it’s especially not easy if we don’t, or won’t, or can’t move through that truth and then on into the light.

But moving on requires more than simply getting a shovel and burying the past.  And men, I think we all can agree, are typically fairly handy when it comes to using that particular shovel. We’d simply rather not talk about it, and that turns out to be the very worst we can do.

 A hurtful past may include a failed marriage, Vietnam, bullying in school, abusive parents, poverty, discrimination, disappointment, bankruptcy, the loss of a parent – or a combination of events. Whatever the hurt, a way forward is always possible if we’re willing to take a few simple steps.

 All Pro Dad recommends starting with this list, 10 ways to overcome a hurtful past:

1. Talk about the hurt with someone you trust: Be honest, be yourself. It’s OK. There is powerful medicine in sharing the load. Acknowledging hurt does not make you less of a man.

2. Don’t evaluate yourself in terms of your past: The past can hold us back (if we allow it), but it does not have the power to define us. The fact of hurt does not determine who we are today or who we can be tomorrow.

3. Make a commitment to (always) learn and move forward: Leverage the past to launch a more positive future. Kind of like karate – the opponent’s blow used as your strength, shifting the momentum to secure a brighter future.

4. Live in the truth of the present: Light is always stronger than darkness. Today’s joy speaks the truth about the impotence of yesterday’s pain.

5. Work tirelessly to provide your family with a present that will never become a “hurtful past”: Use the fact of your hurt as motivation to protect your family today.

   - Were you hurt by unfaithfulness? Be faithful now.

   - Did you experience an abusive home? Saturate yours with love.

   - Did you live in fear? Provide security to your family today.

6. Get involved in efforts to help others heal: Reaching out to those who are hurt always involves healing for the volunteer. Be generous and loving, open your heart.

7. Be 100% honest in your relationships: Making sure you’re always up front with your spouse opens the door for breakthroughs, both in the present and in our past. Honesty is not only preventative, but restorative too.

8. Learn how to pray: Healthy family relationships promote healing, help us to move through hurt from the past, and serve to head off a repeat performance when it comes to pain. Prayer takes that same principle to another level, and puts us in touch with resources we simply must engage if we are to overcome hurt.

9. Count your blessings: It’s good to unearth hurt so we can deal with it. But it’s also important that we pay attention to joy. Joy doesn’t mask pain, it actually deals with it.

10. The bionic man - stronger in the broken places: Sometimes, when a wound heals or a broken bone is knitted back together, the human body is actually stronger than before. This doesn’t happen by magic, or by chance, but in response to A) Acknowledging the hurt - B) Allowing others to care for us – C) Believing that we are healed and stronger than before and – D) Living without that chip on our shoulder any more.

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