The 10 Biggest Differences between You and Your Wife

Do you ever have days where you feel you are constantly banging heads with your wife?  It might be just the differences between you two are showing.  It’s a good thing that everyone is not made the same, as long as it does not alienate them.  With that said, it takes time to learn what differences exist between men and women and how to deal with them.  Keep in mind that it’s a choice to learn each other’s differences and another choice to work through them.  Below are some of the differences you may have noticed.  Every marriage and man and woman are different, but here are some trends:

1. Physical 

   Male and females have different ways their brains connect.  As men, we use the left side of our brain predominately, while our wives tend to be more balanced between hemispheres.  As a result, males tend to focus on one thing at a time and stay on that task until it is completed.  On the other hand, your wife can do multiple tasks at a time, sometimes completing them or leaving them for a later.  It’s mainly incumbent on the wives to realize that you can only usually do one thing at a time and respect that accordingly.

2. Money

   Another distinct difference between men and women is their approach towards money.  It’s said that men will pay full price for something they need, while women will buy something they don’t need, if it’s on sale.  The idea behind this is that husbands and wives can have different motivations when buying things.  The best thing is to keep the lines of communication open and absolutely stay in budget.

3. Relationally

   In relationships, women build through sharing emotions.  As men, we prefer sharing activities - doing things together.  Do you hear the task orientation again?  Doing something together requires focusing on one thing, while communicating emotions incorporates more complexities.  The goal is still relationship, but men and women have different ways of achieving it.

4. Verbally

   It’s generic to say that men and women speak different languages.  The major difference between men and women in their communication is their language style.  We use concise and short language.  Women lean towards a lengthy, detailed style.  We’re bullet points.  They’re paragraphs.  Both want to communicate something specific, but in different ways.  To bridge this difference, it’d be helpful to start by being aware of the difference and adapt your style to her, and encourage your wife to do the same for you.

5. Needs

   This is one of the most important differences between men and women because it is overlooked the most.  Just as we have needs, our wives have differing needs.  Not a problem, but the catch is when we, as men, try to meet their needs the way we meet our own needs.  That’s like giving her an orange when she wants an apple.  Now you’re probably wondering, “What are her needs and am I satisfying them?”  It’s okay for you to express your needs to her and for you to ask her what her needs are.  Communication is the lifeblood of marriage.

6. Values

   Values are the areas of life we find worthy of our time and energy.  For some men, it may be expressing power and efficiency.  Some women value neatness and order.  The ideal is that the longer you are married, the more your values align, if for nothing else, you want to love and serve each other more.  If you value your wife, value what she values.

7. Motivationally

   You’re motivated by different things than your wife.  Women desire to nurture, connect, and support.  You feel fulfilled when you succeed at protecting, pursuing, and defending.  Due to this motivation, women and men have different fears.  Men fear disrespect and failure, and women fear isolation.  Having this knowledge will help you in understanding your wife more and why she may react the way she does.

8. Responses

   As mentioned earlier, men and women are motivated by different things causing different responses. When you feel respected that you carry authority in your house, how do you respond?  Now compare that to how you respond when disrespected?  Men’s fear of dishonor causes them to fight or fly their way out of a stressful situation. However, when your wife feels stressed, her fear of isolation, generally, causes her to respond by sharing with others who can relate.  These are two different responses that can sometimes cause more chaos than peace.  Do you see how your fear of dishonor can keep you from loving your wife as she needs loving?

9. Activities

   There’s a difference between the things men enjoy doing and the things women enjoy doing.  Sometimes there’s overlap, but for the most part, there are differences which establishes how relationships are built.  Men participate in more active, competitive activities while women prefer talking, relational activities.  Can you think of a date night that incorporates all these elements?  Challenging, but embrace it; get creative!  Consider having two date nights for each activity.

10. Affection

     Do you remember the first time you saw your wife?  What went through your mind?  Probably first and foremost that she looked smokin’ hot.  The reason why you started your pursuit of her was you saw her as beautiful inside and out.  But your wife would probably rank emotional appeal as the number one reason why she married you.  You made her feel good!  Do you see the difference of attraction?  It’s important to cater to each other even after you’re married.  The more you give her emotionally, the more she’ll give your visually.

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