4 Questions to Help You Value Yourself

I’m a speaker and writer. No matter the size of the audience or the amount of book sales, my kids could NOT care less. The only thing they like about my speaking is that they sometimes travel with me, experiencing all the luxuries that come with flying coach and staying in three-star hotels. Regardless of my success or lack thereof, they don’t care about what I do. They care about who I am, their dad.

But you know what? I love that they don’t care about my job. I already struggle with measuring my self-worth through the lens of my career. If my kids’ value of me were based on the same, I can’t imagine the additional stress I would feel. It feels good to be valued as a person, not a producer. I’m guessing you relate. But wouldn’t it be great to love ourselves with the same system our kids use? Here are 4 questions to help you value yourself the way your kids value you.

1. If I lost my job tomorrow, would I lose my self-worth?

Oh, my brother. I don’t have a pithy solution to ensure you don’t get your worth from your job. But if you don’t take anything else away, take away this: Your worth isn’t based on your job.

2. Does just being me make me enough?

This is a tough one for many. But wouldn’t it be great if we could model unconditional self-worth to our kids? We could teach them to accept themselves without seeking their value from external validation.

3. Who gets my attention the most: the people at work or the people at home?

Most of us will spend more time at work than at home. But I’m not talking about the quantity of time; I’m talking about the quality of attention. When you are at home, is your attention on your family, or is there an undercurrent that your work comes first? Are you spending time doing what sociologists call hidden work? Believe me—it’s not hidden from your family.

4. What should I change to ensure my family knows they are more important than work?

What if this little article proved to be more than a quick read? What if you made a change that would impact how you and your kids view you? What if you didn’t talk on the phone while your kids were in the car? What if dinner as a family were more of a rule and less of an exception? What if you told your boss you couldn’t work any more nights or weekends? What if you took that family vacation you’ve been putting off? What if you decided to take that job that pays less, but your kids would see you more? What if?

One day, we will all be irrelevant at work, but we will never be irrelevant at home.

Sound off: How do you remind yourself that you are more important at home than at work?

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Do you know how much I love you?”