I will never forget the first time I watched a marriage fall apart. The breakup took my friend Jonas, his wife, and everyone else by surprise. The empty nest hit them hard and it seemed that suddenly, the central focus of family life shifted. Only it wasn’t really sudden. It was gradual. This is one of the reasons marriages fail.Children are happier when their parents put the marriage relationship first.
Life, work, children, and responsibilities tend to overwhelm us. Then we too easily forget what drew us together in the first place. Hint: It wasn’t the children! Your marriage isn’t about the children—it’s about the marriage. Children are happier when their parents put the marriage relationship first. Here are 5 reasons many marriages fail.
1. We forget why we got married in the first place.
Why? Because we’re not there anymore, we’re not doing those things, we have other stuff on our minds. Help each other remember. Look at the photos, read the marriage vows out loud, ask her out all over again.
2. We put ourselves first.
This is a natural response. I’m hungry; I want to watch a ball game; I want to be intimate right now; I want a cup of coffee. Let’s flip the switch and put our spouses first. The funny thing about serving someone else is we tend to love them all the more. They tend to serve us more, too.
3. Our children become more important than the marriage.
Putting our kids ahead of our spouse is an epic fail. We dote on our kids because we want them to feel secure. Kids’ number one security is parents who love one another. Any effort that parents put into their marriage is beneficial to their children. It’s a win-win.
4. We forget that love is more of a moment-by-moment choice than an emotion.
My parents celebrated 68 years together this month. They are happy today because they made hundreds of small decisions to be encouraging, kind, faithful, and authentic along the way. The romance meter stayed high because of those decisions, not the other way around.
5. We let our finances get out of control.
Money is the number one reason couples split up. Having more money doesn’t help. What does help is realistic planning, shared budget decisions, and the idea that you both are in control. My finance guru says, “It is never too late to move forward with a workable plan.”
Earn some points: Share this iMOM article with your wife: Couples Who Out Love Have Marriages That Outlast.
Sound off: Do any of these resonate with you? If so, what are you doing about it?
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your wife and tell her the top five reasons you married her.