In our house we have certain expectations, such as we clean up at the end of the night. This means all toys put away. Then my son and daughter will make something with Legos, blocks, or a train set that spreads across their rooms. It took them a long time to build and they don’t want to put it away. So I’m in a predicament. We also have another rule that we consider others. So when my son or daughter are being loud in a restaurant in an attempt to be funny, do I tell them to quiet down and risk crushing their spirits or do I allow them to be them? It’s sometimes tough to know when to enforce things and when to overlook them.
At the end of the day, we are after the heart of our children, not an outward conformity to all the rules. True, there is security when a child knows his boundaries and expects them to be enforced. But when there are too many silly rules rigidly imposed by an overbearing father, kids look for an escape. A great dad knows how to blend justice with mercy and, in certain instances, to let it slide. Here are 5 things you can overlook in your children.
1. Too many questions
“Because I said so!” really doesn’t cut it when we’re raising intelligent kids with curious minds. It’s not so much that they’re questioning your authority as that they really want to know sometimes. So give them a break, ask about their opinions, and engage the conversation.
2. Clothing
For several years my wife was a nanny (before we knew each other). When she would tell the kids to get dressed one of the children would consistently come downstairs wearing mismatched socks and other odd pairings. My wife would tell her that it didn’t match, but it wouldn’t bother that child at all. My wife ultimately decided to let the child express herself rather than instill a rigid dress code. When it comes to clothing (within reason and except when situations call for respectful dress) it’s best to give the child some control in their style of dress.
3. Overemphasizing grades
Listen carefully, here, we’re not saying earning all C’s and D’s is a good thing! But straight A’s, all the time, no excuses? Seriously? What we want are daughters and sons who enjoy balanced lives and enjoy learning.
4. Untidiness
Note, first, the difference between untidy and unclean. No, we don’t want mold and fungus growing under their beds. But life is messy, and sometimes we have to let “pristine” die a natural death. You can let them slide a bit. Their room does not have to look like a 5 star hotel.
5. Quirkiness
Yes, we said it, your quirky kid may be just what this world needs. Often parents get caught up in “fitting in” (both for ourselves and our offspring). We want our children to meet all those social norms. But, seriously, is it really our goal for Junior to look and act like everyone else when he was born to stand out?
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What is one thing we can overlook more in our kids?”