spice up your marriage

5 Ways to Turn Up the Heat in Your Marriage

My wife and I have been friends with another married couple for many years. A few months after they were married, a blizzard hit and they had to hunker down. After a few days, they started to get cabin fever so they wanted to do something to make the time more fun. (This was before they had kids.) They decided to have an entire day where neither of them wore clothes. They simply called it “naked day”. Not only did it make the time more fun, but it made them closer.

When the temperatures are below freezing outside life can become stagnant and sometimes marriages can become the same. This time of year gives us a great opportunity to get cozy with our wives. Do you need to spice up your marriage? Below are 5 ways to do it.

1. Evaluate your marriage first.

Spend some time thinking about where your marriage is and how it got there. Have some bad habits crept in? But don’t focus only on the bad parts. What is going well? Ask your wife what she thinks is going well and what she would like more in your marriage. Think about the good things together and make that your focus.

2. Create space to be together.

During the cold seasons, things seem to slow down. Do the same thing with your marriage. Slow down and look for ways to spend more time with one another. Take a morning off from work, and after getting the kids off to school, get back in bed together. After the kids go to bed put some music on, light a fire in the fireplace or light some candles, have some wine and get cozy on the couch. Get a babysitter, then go out and do the things you loved to do as a couple before you had kids. Initiate time alone with your wife, she needs it and so do you. Initiate time alone with your wife, she needs it and so do you.

3. Do something new.

Perhaps it is time to be adventurous together. Create a list together of all of the things you both have always wanted to do. Rank the list in terms of the ones that excite both of you the most. Then commit to doing the list. Set aside the time and the money (if there is a cost).

4. Speak your wife’s (love) language.

Nothing turns up the heat in a relationship more than when we feel known and cared for. Speaking someone’s language is an essential ingredient for connection. Find out what your wife’s love language is, and speak it regularly.

5. Increase the amount you touch her.

This is not just sexual touching, but the casual touches throughout the day. As you pass by her in the kitchen, put your hands on her shoulders and give her a kiss on the cheek. If you are watching TV together, hold her hand or massage her neck. Go to her and give her a hug for no reason. These little touches throughout the day will warm her to you and hopefully lead to more intimacy when you head to bed.

What are some other ways to heat up our marriages?