My wife is a flight attendant. Occasionally people ask me if I worry about plane crashes. You may find this surprising but I don’t. The biggest risk flight attendants face is getting hurt while falling down due to turbulence. That really is the only thing I worry about. I don’t worry about a crash because of all of the safety checks that are done. The pilots, in particular, go through their checklists, including walkaround inspections and instrument tests. Since the plane and pilots go through these checks daily, I know when a problem comes up they are going to catch it right away. If not, the probability of disaster is imminent.
The same is true of marriage. Without doing routine checks on certain subjects the probability of becoming disconnected increases dramatically. The results could be disastrous. If you want to stay connected to your wife, here are 6 conversation topics you need to cover every week.
Make sure your marriage is a safe place to share feelings freely and ask often.It’s important to be consistently honest and open about your feelings. This can be difficult. Sometimes when you are asked to share your feelings there can be pressure because the person asking is looking for you to feel a certain way. When you don’t answer in the way she wants she ends up hurt and disappointed. Then we feel like we can’t be honest. Make sure your marriage is a safe place to share feelings freely and ask often. That includes you too. If my wife is unhappy, I’m unhappy and when she shares her discontent I can get frustrated. It shuts down her ability to share. Don’t make my mistake.
The key to life is found in relationships. When there is a void or relational tension everything feels off and energy draining. I think this is especially true for women. Take interest in her friendships and how they are going. Even though she has you, she’s going to need women friends to connect with or she will feel lonely. Be a source of encouragement.
A common reason couples end up divided is finances. It’s a lot easier to ignore it and hope for the best. Unfortunately, ‘the best’ when it comes to money rarely works out well without diligence and initiative. This is going to take a lot of discussions, many times painful, to get on and remain on the same page.
More is demanded of our time, energy, and resources now than any other time in our lives. That kind of demand creates a tremendous amount of stress, both individually and as a couple. Don’t take this journey so seriously that you forget to have fun together. In fact, focus on having as much fun as you can in the process. You have to take time to laugh to release the tension.
Fears have a way of ruling our hearts, which has an impact on our decisions and behavior. When we are able to identify our fears and bring them out into the open it reduces their power. Talk openly about your fears and hers.
This is probably where much of your conversation naturally focuses, namely the kids. However, your conversations should be moving past schedules, grades, and activities to how your kids are maturing. Talk through where each child is tracking with their mental, emotional, and spiritual developmental stages. Identify their needs and how you are going to meet them. Also, discuss your family vision and where your family is regarding it.
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are your favorite things to talk about?”