If you have ever spent time on a boat or any type of watercraft, you know how easy it is to drift. A slow wind, a change in current, or other boats on the water easily can cause you to find yourself where you do not want to be. At times, the drift is so subtle you don’t even realize it’s happening. That often is the case when you are drifting apart from your wife.
Drifting is not intentional; it gradually happens over a period of time. If you feel like you are far apart from your wife, here are 4 steps to close the distance and get back to where you want to be.
Step 1: Confront it.
There is a hilarious moment in the movie Dumb and Dumber when Harry and Lloyd find themselves in Nebraska instead of Aspen. It wasn’t on purpose; it was a mistake. They argued, sold the van, and found a way to get back on track. They pivoted. If you think you are drifting, like Harry and Lloyd, you have to confront it and change direction. Confronting it is telling yourself that something is not right—it’s acknowledging the distance between you and your wife. A pivot may hurt. It may cause an argument on the side of the road. But unless you pivot, you will continue to drift.
Step 2: Find the source.
Until you identify the source of the drift, you will continue to put distance between yourself and your wife.Until you identify the source of the drift, you will continue to put distance between yourself and your wife. You must investigate and excavate the sources causing the drifting. Investigating the source starts by looking humbly at yourself for sources of distance. Are you working more than usual? Have you been spending too much time with friends or family apart from your wife? Are you in a travel season? Next, with grace, investigate your wife’s patterns of distance. This is not to put the blame upon your wife, but to look at causes. Is she traveling more than usual? Is she spending more time with friends and family than with you?
Step 3: Talk it out.
This may not be the final step for you—you may have many more—but this is the step that starts closing the distance when you feel like you are drifting. Moving in the right direction cannot happen without a conversation. The conversation must come from a place of peace and humility. The drift will continue if the conversation is built upon attacks and blame. Talk about each of your contributions to the distance between you.
Step 4: Make changes.
You must make changes or you will never close the gap. And you cannot just make changes to get her “off your back.” You must make changes that last because your marriage is worth it. Think through new habits for both of you and old habits that may need to be broken. Think through your schedules and routines to see what changes are needed in order to close the distance. Healthy changes are built together and are not one-sided.
Sound off: What steps would you add when you feel like you are drifting apart from your wife?
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What is one thing I could be doing to help us get closer?”