After Adam and Eve were created, it was said of them that they were both naked and not ashamed. It was intended that as husband and wife, they were to be completely exposed, vulnerable, and available to one another. Complete transparency in its most original form. However, we live in a society where having transparency in a relationship is often scoffed and mocked. Teenagers and grown adults trying to hide their phones from their partners are made out to be a joke. And often, many spouses have a hidden “third world” that they are keeping from their spouse, whether that be an extramarital relationship, an addiction, a bad spending habit, etc. But in order for any marriage to succeed long-term, there must be complete transparency.
Marriage has no room for secrecy. Marriage has no room for secrecy. In fact, marriage ought to be the most transparent relationship in a person’s life. I believe, through marriage, God created you for one person to share love and life with, to be completely vulnerable physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And by doing so, your transparency prevents secrecy, promotes longevity, and improves intimacy in your marriage. But how can transparency happen in a marriage? Here are 5 ways to be transparent with your wife.
1. Start with a mutual understanding.
Come to an agreement with your spouse that you will ban secrets from your marriage (emotional, relational, financial, and sexual) because you both agree that transparency is vital in your relationship. Your spouse was created to be the one person in life with which you have absolutely nothing to hide, and a mutual understanding helps hold you accountable to this.
2. Give your spouse first priority.
If you’ve got important news to tell or something good to share, seek to tell your spouse first. They deserve to have first-hand knowledge of what is going on in your life or in the life of your family. So make sure they hear it first from you.
3. Have obvious and open accounts.
As a married couple, there should be no question about having full access to each other’s phones, social media accounts, and passwords. And on your social media accounts, have clarity when it comes to your marriage. Clearly identify that you’re married and unashamed of it. If you ever find yourself nervous when your spouse picks up your phone or refuse to give them full access to anything on it anytime they want, then you are in a potentially dangerous position and you may not even realize it.
4. Talk about everything, often.
While it is important to have friends to share things with, if we ever get to the point that we are sharing more details of our life with someone other than our spouse, there is danger lurking. This danger is even greater if the person we’re sharing these things with is someone of the opposite sex. As a married couple, make it a practice to talk about every area of your lives together – communication, finances, money, kids, in-laws, sex, etc. You are sharing life together. You are a team.
5. Let your guard down.
Part of transparency is allowing another person to know you closely, personally, and intimately, in a way that no other person alive can know you. This often involves disagreements, hurts, and the need for regular forgiveness. When we allow our spouse to see us for who we really are, flaws and all, it allows us to truly love each other unconditionally for who we are— imperfect people who understand perfect love.
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What are some ways that I can be more transparent with you in our marriage?”