A couple of weeks after I started dating a girl, I took her to a wedding. The wedding was in the city where I grew up and I knew a majority of the people there. While she had some friends attending, it was really my turf and she was slightly a fish out of water. During the reception, I wanted her to feel more comfortable, so I asked her to dance when a country song came on. I hate country music, but I knew she loved it. As we were dancing, I started to sing the song to her, which made her hold on to me even tighter.
If I sang a country song to her in her hometown, it would have been fine, but during a moment of vulnerability, it meant so much more. It was reassuring and comforting. A year and a half later, I danced with her again at our own wedding. Throughout our relationship, I’ve learned that all married men need to know this: how to make your wife feel loved. And I’ve also learned there are times when a husband’s love and care mean more. Here are 5 times your love means the most to your wife.
In your marriage, the depth of your love for each other reveals itself when things are difficult.1. When You’re Fighting
In your marriage, the depth of your love for each other reveals itself when things are difficult. It’s in those times—when you feel disconnected, when it’s hard to initiate, when you’re fighting—that you need to show your love and commitment to her. When you’re fighting, she most likely will feel alone and unsettled. Communicating your love for her gives her reassurance that no matter what happens, you are going to stand by her, even when you disagree.
2. When She Has Experienced Loss
Whether she is grieving the loss of her mother or father or just the loss of a job, your loving presence will give her healing comfort. You don’t need to fix anything, and you can’t. You just need to be there and empathize. Sit and mourn with her. It takes a lot of love to join others in their pain and have the endurance to stick it out to the end. It may not look like she notices, but she does and it makes a huge difference.
3. When She’s Stressed
Your presence can offer strength and your words can give her encouragement. But most of all, your love takes an active form here. There is something external causing her stress. While you can’t save her from that, you can serve her by relieving her normal day to day burdens. Taking things off of her plate is a self-sacrificing act that lets her know you are in the battle with her.
4. When She’s Feeling Alone
Feeling alone is like going into a dark cave. Imagine her there, by herself, feeling completely cut off. Some husbands will go to the edge of the cave and metaphorically shout to her to just come out of the cave. But the most meaningful act of love in this situation is to walk into the cave, find her, and be with her in that uncomfortable place. What does that look like? It means sitting quietly with her in her melancholy—being patient and steadfast, validating, listening to her, and perhaps offering a limited amount of perspective and encouragement at the right times.
5. When She’s Feeling Insecure
Most wives will feel insecure at some point. Most, if not all, have a critical voice that is looking to validate all of the negative things they think about themselves. When your wife is doubting herself, your faithful love is a powerful force that helps quiet that voice.
Sound off: Do you know how to make your wife feel loved? How do you do it when her circumstances are difficult?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What helps the most when you’re having a tough day?”