As someone who grew up with three older sisters, I feel well-versed on the emotional roller coaster of women. Yet, after getting married I realized there are those times of the month where there is a heightened sensitivity to everything I do and say. For the most part, my wife is a naturally easy going, accommodating, patient, and loving person. (Hopefully, she will remain that way after reading this article.) However, she will be the first to admit she is emotional. Then there are those really bad times where I arrive home confused and wonder, “Where is my wife? Who is this strange woman and why do I annoy her so much?” During those times I try to say as little as possible.
The good thing is my wife is wise and knows this about herself. On one tense occasion, she looked at me and said, “Stop being so quiet! I feel like I just get crazy and all you do is wait for me to be sane again before you say anything!” “Hmm. Yeah.” I said slowly and then finally asked, “Is that a bad strategy?” Well, it depends on the situation. Today, we are going to gain insight into what your wife is thinking and feeling during her time of the month. Next time you see mood changes and PMS signs you’ll know what she is looking for and what she needs from you. These 5 simple tips will help you not only survive but thrive each month.
Note: Every woman is different. For some PMS is not that bad. Some struggle more emotionally while others feel more physical pain.
What To Understand:
Think about your typical struggles for a moment – the struggles you deal with on a daily basis: anger, loneliness, insecurity, fear, sadness, stress, etc. Now imagine the days where those emotions are triggered repeatedly. The intensity builds with every incident. After a while, everything feels like a trigger. We’ve all had moments where we have overreacted in these scenarios.
That is what is happening to our wives every several weeks. Their underlying daily struggles are injected by steroids and amplified ten times. All of a sudden bad things become the worst things ever. A woman who struggles with mom guilt now feels like a complete failure and has the desire to give up. If she is insecure, the slightest missed detail will make her feel unloved. What are your wife’s baseline struggles? Now add to all of that physical pain. They feel bloated and struggle with back and stomach cramping, sluggishness, and headaches. They feel at their most unattractive.
What To Do:
Be Patient and Understanding
If I were hit with that kind of emotional surge and physical pain I would go crazy. I’d be pretty quick to take it out on the people around me. The bottom line is our normal emotions and their intensity are difficult to decipher. Our wives get hit with a tidal wave each month. When PMS hits her, have empathy and try to understand she is under attack. [Tweet This]
She’s ultra-vulnerable and needs affirmation. Don’t expect it to change her or the situation. The reassurance is good, but everything in her is saying something different. Everything in her says she is unattractive, not good enough, unworthy, and unlovable. Tell her how great a mom she is to your kids and why you are proud to be her husband.
Be Proactive and Helpful
If you’re like me, and perhaps most guys, you are looking for something to do to make it better. Again, it may not change anything but being proactive and helping her with her normal tasks can go a long way. Take on some of the stuff she normally does. For example, if she usually cooks take over making dinner for the week. Put a menu together and do the shopping.
Let Her Be Crazy
Don’t get swept into the emotion. You need to be empathetic, but your emotions need to remain steady. You should be the eye of the storm. Hold your frustration in check even when she is overreacting. Getting angry and arguing with her will only make the situation more explosive.
Discuss Your Feelings Afterward
Letting her be crazy doesn’t mean all of her behavior is appropriate. When offenses are committed discuss it afterward. Being hit with exploding emotions and physical pain does not excuse her from being rude or abusive to you. Talk about what happened calmly so next time there may be more control.
Bonus: There are some great apps that track cycles and give alerts. It’s a great way to be prepared.
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “How can I help you today?”