My dad and brother both were NFL punters. My dad won two Super Bowls, my brother won one, and so did I. Getting my shot in the NFL has been one of the highlights of my life, and it’s been a joy to play in the league. You don’t make a career out of punting without studying technique, and I got to watch family members up close and mimic their methods. Who you learn from matters, on and off the field. And children are going to learn from their parents.
What do children learn from their parents? A lot. In fact, if there’s one thing I’ve learned while parenting my five kids, it’s that my children are always watching me. When I’m listening to music, they soak up the lyrics. When I’m talking with my wife, they listen to my tone. If I’m angry or frustrated, they see how I handle it. This isn’t a complaint; it’s a challenge, to me and to any dad, to live like our kids are always watching—because they are. And that’s a good thing when we’re living well. Here are 5 lessons our kids should learn from us.
1. Resiliency
During the COVID-19 pandemic, we couldn’t really go anywhere as a family. It was tough on my kids. I remember one of them saying, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” It broke my heart. So, my wife, Christia, and I had to model resiliency. We did everything we could to make life fun at home, playing games, watching movies, and doing fun things for our kids. We really bonded during those months, so much so that the same child came to us when life got back to normal and said, “I just want to go back” to that pace of life. Kids learn to handle tough times the same way you handle them.
2. Persistence
I’ve had good games, bad games, and injuries in my career. My kids have watched me try to overcome bad kicks and multiple surgeries. I hope I’ve modeled persistence well, because it’s a skill they’ll need in life. Not everything is going to go according to plan. My oldest is trying to get into colleges now. He has no control over which schools will accept his applications and which won’t. There are a lot of things out of your kids’ control, too. So they’ll need persistence. And what do children learn from their parents? How to be persistent—if you’re persistent in front of them.
3. Commitment
My two youngest love getting their backs scratched before bed. It’s as if their night is incomplete if I don’t do it, so I try to be consistent. I also go to their school activities, basketball practices, and the other things that matter to them as often as possible. Not because I have to, but because I am committed to them. My commitment communicates that I love them, want to be around them, and want to participate in their lives. Because of my commitment, they know I’ll be there, and they’ll also learn how to be committed.
4. Presence
I love driving my daughter to her cheerleading practices. She has four brothers, so those car rides are perfect for honest, boy-free conversations. To make sure we don’t get sidetracked, I made a rule that there are no phones allowed. I want both of us to be present. I want us to be in the moment and truly connect. Sometimes that lands me outside my comfort zone, but that’s a good thing. She’s learning that true communication happens when we’re fully present. I hope it helps her as she becomes a young adult.
5. Partnership
In business, partnership means sharing profits and losses. In life, it means sharing the good and the bad. My kids have a front row seat to watch me interact with my wife, and for over 20 years, we’ve been unified. We do everything together, agree on discipline and parenting decisions, and do life as partners. Our kids can emulate parts of this with their friends and someday, be good partners for their spouses. Being in a partnership is about relying on someone, trusting others, and being accountable. Your kids learn all this from watching you.
Sound off: What else do children learn from their parents?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you think it means to be committed to something?”