Recently my eldest daughter had her heart broken. My phone rang on an ordinary afternoon and it was her sobbing. “We broke up.” At the time, she was 350 miles away from me at college. This was her first real love, and it had come to an end. It caught me off-guard because they had just been together at home. What do I say?
There are many scenarios that can break a daughter’s heart. Such as friends fighting or friendships ending, not being selected for something they are passionate about, and tragedy they aren’t capable of processing like an adult. Dads must be ready for these difficult moments.
We have to offer substance and purposeful comfort. What does that look like? Here are four things I did to help my daughter get over her broken heart.
Let Her Vent
She needs to get out her emotions. That means you saying very little. Although it’s painful to hear them cry, let them do so and tell their story. It’s important later on to get the whole story, but for now, let them vent.
Reinforce Your Loyalty
You (dad) will always be the man she compares others against. She must know, without doubt, that we are the rock that never moves. We are 100% on her side no matter what. This is very important to all people, but especially females. In whatever way you express yourself best, reinforce your loyalty to her.
Share Her Pain
A woman needs compassion and empathy long before she needs a lecture or fixing.If her heart is hurting, yours should be too. A woman needs compassion and empathy long before she needs a lecture or fixing. When my daughter is in pain the first thing I make sure she understands is that she is not alone in it. I’m going to experience it with her.
Help Her See the Whole Picture
After the first three steps have settled down, now you can do what comes naturally. Help her learn from it. But don’t lecture or scold. Just help her unfold the entire picture and where things went wrong. Help her see the mistakes she might have made or warning signs. This will be extremely valuable down the road.
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you do when someone hurts your feelings?”