Most of us try to avoid conflict; however, a friend of mine actually picked a fight with his fiancee’ at that time, now his wife. Prior to asking her to marry him, he did his very best to cause a conflict between them. Unlike most of us during those dating years who try to avoid conflict at all costs, he knew marital conflict was inevitable. He was not trying to get her to end the relationship, but he wanted to learn how they would handle conflict once they got married.
Every single relationship you have will experience some sort of conflict, especially your marriage relationship. That is not a bad thing when handled properly. Here is a 3-step method to handling conflict that will give you a successful marriage:
1. Discuss the impact.
When you are at a point of conflict, whether it is over something that was done, not done, said, or not said, move the focus to the impact it’s having on you and your spouse. This goes both ways. Don’t just share your concern and how it impacts you, but allow your wife to do the same. Be quiet when she is sharing. This will allow you both to see it from the other person’s perspective.
2. Discuss the desire.
After you’ve expressed your concern and how it impacted you, what do you want to happen? What does your wife want to happen? Allow your wife to share what she desires. How would she have liked this situation to play out or what result would she like to receive. You share the same from your perspective with her.
3. Discuss the action.
Now that you’ve discussed your concern, the potential impact, and your desire to make it right or better for you both, it’s now time to discuss what you are willing to do. You didn’t like how things played out, and you shared with your wife a better way to resolve the conflict. Now you must be willing to take action to create the outcome in your marriage that you both desire that will lead to success.
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “How can we better handle conflict in a way that improves our marriage?”