After speaking at a date night event, a couple shared with me how much they enjoyed the night, and that they hadn’t been on a date since their son was born! Their son was 38 years old! OK, I’m exaggerating, but only by 30 years. Their son was 8 and had never seen his parents go on a date. While some may see not getting quality time with your spouse as a noble sacrifice, there is nothing better for your kids than loving their mom.
Philip Cowan, Ph.D., a professor at the University of California, said, “Kids whose parents’ relationship has cooled are more likely to have behavioral or academic problems than kids of happy couples.” What’s the primary difference between couples who know spending time together is important but don’t and those who make it happen? They schedule it in a way that works for their season of life and budget. Here are 3 ways for you and your wife to leave your kids so you can have quality time together.
There is nothing better for your kids than loving their mom.1. Schedule Daily Dialogue
The average couple spends four minutes a day in meaningful conversation. Have you ever dedicated four minutes daily to something and seen it succeed? I want to stretch you a bit by giving you a common marriage tip. Carve out 5 to 15 minutes a day to talk. It may seem impossible, but it is not. As adults, we can choose to make the time. Here’s an example of scheduling daily dialogue but remembering to do what works for you and your wife.
Example:
What: Talk for 15 minutes
- 5 minutes for necessary details of the week
- 5 minutes for your high and low of the day
- 5 minutes for your funny of the day
When: Monday–Friday at 8 p.m.
Where: In your bedroom with the door closed or better yet, locked
How: Put it on your calendar and show up on time.
Now it’s your turn:
What: _______________
When: _______________
Where: _______________
How: _______________
2. Schedule Weekly Dates
The second thing to schedule is dates. While a weekly date night, date morning, or date lunch would be ideal, you can start with bimonthly or even monthly date nights if you must. Just start. Now let’s see what that looks like in the real world.
Example:
What: Date night—dinner and some laughs
When: Thursdays
Where: Whatever your favorite place of the moment is
How: Get a babysitter—no talking about serious marital issues, kids, etc.
Now it’s your turn:
What: Date Night
When: _______________
Where: _______________
How: _______________
3. Schedule Annual Getaways
I can feel the collective, “Are you kidding me?” I get it, an annual vacation with just your wife can sound like a pipe dream. But it doesn’t have to be anything expensive or far away. It will take some pre-planning, but extended time just to be together is worth the effort.
Example:
What: Annual Getaway
When: September 3–5
Where: A hotel 30 minutes away
How: Find childcare—no talking about serious marital issues, kids, etc.
Now it’s your turn:
What: Annual Getaway
When: _______________
Where: _______________
How: _______________
Make time for you and your wife to have time alone. Your kids may not know it yet, but they will be glad you did—and so will you!
Sound off: How do you feel about getting quality time with your spouse away from your kids?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Do you think it’s OK for me to have fun without you? Why or why not?”