I recently read a story that can teach you how to improve your marriage. It’s about a husband who cheated on his wife. They divorced and spent the next six years apart. Then, somehow, he reentered her life and attempted to repair the irreparable. They remarried each other and are now best friends. With a problem as big as infidelity in their relationship, how was that possible? They faced the problem head-on. That’s also what a person does who practices Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the cracks with lacquer dusted with gold.
After the gold-dusted lacquer is applied, the pottery is not only more beautiful in its uniqueness, but it is actually stronger than it was before. Sometimes, the damage has been done and the only way to fix it is to face it honestly. When we let issues in our marriage get too big, something breaks in the relationship. We sometimes think that nothing can fix our brokenness. But with effort, your marriage can be improved, strengthened, and even become more beautiful. Here are 3 ways to fix a broken marriage.
1. Admit what is broken.
A crack in a beautiful piece of pottery only gets bigger when ignored. The same is true in a relationship. If you want to know how to improve your marriage, the first step is to admit there is something broken within it. This is difficult to do at times because it brings about shame. You are not a failure—you’re human. Admitting that a problem exists is the bravest thing you can do in your marriage. A career change, a new baby, buying a house, or unforeseen illnesses can burden your marriage and reveal a couple’s vulnerabilities.
Admitting that a problem exists is the bravest thing you can do in your marriage.Many people try to hide their issues to maintain a false sense of perfection with everyone they know. They only share the “happy” moments, scared that someone will discover their hidden secret. By doing this, you make things worse. Wear and tear is normal, even in marriage. Other couples pretend their troubles are not there at all because to admit something’s broken is to accept that there’s a problem to fix. Problems take time, energy, and creative thinking. It’s uncomfortable to admit there’s a problem, but it’s necessary if you want to strengthen your marriage.
2. Seek help.
Marriage is not a DIY project. Sometimes you need to seek help for the deepest repairs. Infidelity, poor financial decisions, and immaturity can be deep scars in marriage. How you respond to the broken parts in your marriage can make it stronger. Seek marriage counseling to help heal those wounds or go to your priest or pastor. This can help you remember why you got married and what you committed to at the altar. Finding help is not weak; it’s wise. What seems impossible to fix may turn out to be a new bond between you and your spouse.
3. Put in the work.
Nothing is accomplished without effort. Learning how to improve your marriage takes patience, empathy, and often letting go of one’s ego. Both spouses have to put in the work. If a wife cheats on her husband, it’s not the wife’s full responsibility to fix the relationship. The husband must also learn to forgive and re-learn how to love. The scars must not be hidden but addressed openly with honesty. When you confront the deeper issues, seek the right help, and put in the effort to overcome what seems impossible, your marriage can become stronger and more beautiful than it was before.
Earn some points: Share this iMOM article with your wife: 5 Ways You Can Make Your Marriage Better.
Sound off: What are some other ways you can strengthen your marriage?
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What is one thing I could do differently that would make your life easier?”