why wont my wife forgive me

5 Ways to Make Forgiving You Impossible for Your Wife

Years ago, I made a choice that prioritized my work over my marriage. In the moment, I had my reasons, but looking back, it’s clear that I made the wrong decision. As my wife and I worked at repairing the damage done, she struggled to forgive me. This would frustrate me and I would feel self-righteous as we would argue about it. “Of course she should forgive me! That’s what Christians do!” But what I didn’t realize is that some of the choices I was making were making it difficult, if not impossible, for her to offer the forgiveness she and I so desperately needed.

It’s normal for forgiveness to take time. But some times are longer than others. And sometimes, that’s our fault. There are several things you can do that can make forgiveness difficult for your wife to offer. Are you wondering, “Why won’t my wife forgive me?” Then consider whether you’re making it impossible for her by doing one of these 5 things.

1. Minimizing Your Mistakes

“Well I’m not as bad as __________.” “You’re blowing this out of proportion.” “Calm down! It wasn’t that bad.” Any of these sound familiar? Your wife can’t forgive you if you refuse to acknowledge that you actually did something wrong. Maybe you don’t think it was that bad, but it caused your wife some measure of pain.

If you’re wondering, “Why won’t my wife forgive me?” maybe it’s time to stop minimizing what you’ve done.

2. Denying Your Mistakes

Denial is a common defense mechanism. Perhaps you’re in denial because you legitimately don’t think what you did is wrong. But to deny your mistake when your wife is willing to share how your actions have hurt her is like telling her you know her better than she knows herself. Because her sharing is an act of vulnerability, your denial can further wound her and, in its most extreme form, can even rise to the level of emotional abuse.

If you’re wondering, “Why won’t my wife forgive me?” maybe you need to own up to your mistakes.

3. Not Learning Anything

To refuse to learn is to refuse to love.

When your wife shares a way in which you have hurt her and yet you continue to act in the same way over and over again, your actions communicate that your wife’s feelings, her opinion, her thoughts don’t matter to you. Regardless of what you say, your actions speak louder than your words. To refuse to learn is to refuse to love. After all, the Apostle Paul tells us that “love rejoices in the truth.” The truth is, you’ve hurt your wife. Love moves you to learn from it.

If you’re wondering “Why won’t my wife forgive me?” maybe it’s because you keep doing the same thing over and over again.

4. Demanding Forgiveness

Have you ever had a person tell you that you ought to forgive him or her? Somehow it doesn’t make the act of forgiveness easier. Forgiveness, like love, is not the kind of thing you can be obligated into. It must be given freely or it becomes something else.

If you’re wondering, “Why won’t my wife forgive me?” perhaps it’s because you are demanding it.

5. Refusing to Forgive Her

Just as you have hurt your wife, she’s undoubtedly hurt you. But if you want to receive forgiveness, you must begin by offering it. Offering forgiveness cultivates the space that makes it more likely for forgiveness to flow freely between two people.

If you’re wondering, “Why won’t my wife forgive me?” perhaps it’s because you need to go first.

Sound off: What are other ways you’ve made forgiving you impossible for your wife?

Huddle up with your wife and ask, “Are there ways I make it difficult for you to forgive me?”