feeling rejected

10 Things to Do When You Feel Your Wife’s Rejection

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We bend over backward to win our spouse. We keep it up all the way to the wedding and a few weeks beyond. Then, we take things for granted and wonder, “What happened?” Often, that scenario results in feelings of rejection. “She doesn’t love me anymore.” “She doesn’t want me.” “I don’t think she’s into me.” “Why do I feel like the spark is gone and she’d just rather not bother?”

Remember that this marriage idea is a long-term commitment. You’re not the only one who took some vows. And where there’s commitment and faithfulness, there’s hope. Here are 10 things to do when you are feeling rejected by your wife.

1. Make sure you’re not rejecting her

Relationships are, by definition, interactive. Men and women often mirror each other, even if only in terms of perception. So make sure you become a model of openness and acceptance that is unconditional.

2. Avoid becoming defensive

“Hey! What do you mean by that!” Seriously, one of the least effective interventions in a relationship is defensiveness. Arms folded, foot tapping, “You’re wrong/I’m right,” “You are the problem.” It doesn’t matter what the facts are… in relationships, truth is typically reached via humility and an openness to critique.

3. Remember what it was (about you) that attracted her in the first place – then be that guy

It’s too easy for men and women both to stop trying after the first flush of excitement wears off in the marriage. Are you being the exciting person she fell in love with or are you are busy pursuing laziness and comfort? Dial it up a little bit.

4. Get back into the dating habit

Related to # 3, above. When did you last ask your wife out on a romantic date? Demonstrate how much you care, go anywhere other than a sports bar, and have some great “conversation-starters” in your back pocket ready for dinner.

5. Start listening

Aside from those conversation starters, get in the habit of really listening – that’s “active listening.” One of the most attractive, passionate, and endearing things a man can do is be a good listener around his wife.

6. Remember you can only change yourself

“How can I make her change?” is a guaranteed useless question. You can’t. It is remarkable, however, how positive change on one side of the relationship can lead to positive change on the other.

7. Make her a cup of tea

Prepare a hot drink, serve it to her, sit down and enjoy it together. It’s an act of service that says, “I want to spend some deliberate time, knee to knee, listening and connecting.” Such an act of service reaches out and invites.

8. Look for more ways to serve her

Many relationships become one-sided. Perhaps yours has as well with your wife serving you more. Try out-serving her so the balance tips the other way. There’s a good chance rejection might not be an issue so much anymore.

9. Try the “Fireproof” love challenge

In the movie Fireproof, a man is challenged by his father to reach out to his wife via a series of “unilateral” self-giving efforts over a number of weeks. There’s a book available that outlines the process.

10. Do not give up

If you’re doing everything right and she’s still rejecting you at least you’re doing everything right. There’s no need to quit doing the right thing because things aren’t going your way. Be patient, and pray.

Sound Off

How do you normally respond when you feel rejected by your wife?

  • CarlosDanger

    This is garbage advice. Don’t by a suckup to your wife. Why are these article so Pro-woman?

    • Brian Bachelder

      Being a servant leader is being a suck up?

      • Ahuh!

        If the shoe fits…

    • Ahuh!

      I agree with you. Enough is enough. These articles make me feel completley inadquate when it is not true. Since when is it only my responability to make a healthy relationship? Sometimes these articles are straight out of the womens lib handbook.

      • BJ_Foster

        It’s not only your responsibility, but you can’t control anyone else but yourself. Our sister site iMOM.com challenges wives to do similar things. What we are encouraging men to do is make the first move.

    • BJ_Foster

      Are you Anti-women?

  • Ben Williams

    Great advice, thanks for this article. I especially like (and need to remember) #10.

  • Tanner Ellsworth

    This article goes along well with the “10 Ways to Romance Your Wife” article. I’m glad I came upon these articles. I am making goals to be more romantic and loving to my wife. After almost 10 years of marriage, I am still learning the depth of commitment it takes toward one’s wife to make her happy and content.

  • Wil

    Clearly, the advice was written by a woman who sees only her side… It’s wrong, it doesn’t work like that. You will do the 10 things (why 10?!) and she will be ‘nicer’ to you, at best. Kick her ass out or find a lover and you will have a chance (minimal) to end the rejections. Otherwise, she will always have the control over you because you want her so bad, you need intimacy, and she does not want you at all, she does not need intimacy. It’s mismatched libido… If you can live without intimacy, stay on your marriage and be miserable, otherwise, talk to her clearly, honestly and let both of you move on. Make sure to pick a woman that matches your needs.
    Of course, I am not talking about the stupid guys who treat wives like shit. For those wives, who already stressed the possibilities of dialogue and anything else, I would say to get out of your relationship as soon as you can. There are nice guys out there. Make sure to pick the right one next time.

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Huddle up with your wife tonight and say, “I want you to know that I will always love you and as a first step I am going to…”

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