I always thought I would have a moment with my dad in a hospital room. I’d be with him before he passed away to tell him why he meant so much to me. But I never had that moment. He died unexpectedly at a relatively young age. Fortunately, I have had a number of years to share my gratitude and love for my mom. If your parents are still alive, don’t wait. Despite their imperfections, honor your father and mother for all they did for you.
“Honor your father and mother” has been a commandment for a long, long time. Set an example for your children now about how you would like to be treated when you and they are older. Here are 10 ways to honor your mom and dad.
1. Make your mom and dad look good.
Simply be a good man. People will make the connection. What more could parents ask for?
2. Let them know you understand what they’ve done for you.
Play this one by ear, because some parents have a hard time with sentimentality. But a note here, a word of thanks dropped carefully there, a card, a phone call, a hug—just make sure they get the information. “Dad, hey. I’m not sure I ever told you how much I appreciated your encouragement when I was struggling in middle school.” “Mom, listen. You may not realize it, but I do know you pray for me every day. I wanted to say thanks for that.”
3. Listen to their stories.
You might learn something. Plus, the act of listening is going to affirm and encourage your parents. And when you do it, you provide the gift of your presence.
4. Tell them your stories.
A surprising number of people with adult children don’t know much about what’s going on in their children’s lives. Get on the phone, take them out to dinner, visit for morning coffee on the way to work. Whatever it takes, stay connected.
5. Be excited about their lives.
Who cares if you don’t get the finer nuances of shuffleboard? So what if your dad’s work as an elementary school tutor fails to excite you? Do you really think your parents always looked forward to listening to you talk about middle school band when you were 12? Get on board and show some enthusiasm about whatever it is they’re up to.
6. Strengthen your marriage.
No matter how things worked out for your parents, they want to see you happy in a marriage that works. We’ve all heard about “staying together for the kids.” But how about “making this marriage strong because it will honor our parents?”
7. Love their grandchildren.
Moms and dads also want to see their grandkids thrive. So honor your parents by loving your kids with the kind of love that doesn’t let go, never gives up, always teaches, and directs.
8. Don’t expect them to bail you out.
If your parents are at all careful about money, then you already know it bothers them to no end to see unrestrained spending and mounting debt. So handle it already. And work hard to avoid dishonoring them by looking for a bailout. Like it or not, your debt reflects negatively on them.
9. Pick up the tab once in a while.
They may not let you do it. But believe us when we say this: It means the world to your mom and dad when you at least try.
10. Try not to trample over their values.
Politics, acceptable language, stances on drinking, smoking, movie standards, are all things you may disagree about. It’s OK to disagree with Mom and Dad on a variety of issues. The point is to honor our parents along the way. And sometimes, that means watching what you say, serving soft drinks when they come to visit, and simply opting not to engage in political fights if you already know you’ll never see eye to eye.
Sound off: What are some other ways to honor our parents?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are some ways we can honor your grandparents?”