10 Ways to Make Your Child Feel Secure
Your child is like a security guard who goes around the building at night trying to open all the doors he sees. His real desire, however, is not to walk through them, but to find the doors locked. That brings security.
In the same way, your kids will rattle the handles in a lot of areas you have refused to let them enter before (eating candy for breakfast, watching TV shows you have not approved, etc.) Make sure you continue to keep those doors locked. When a door is inconsistently opened or closed, your children don’t know what to expect and that breeds insecurity. Then they act out. Stay consistent even when it’s hard. Open the doors to your child’s future by locking quite a few of them now.
Here are 10 ways to make your child feel secure:
The absolute most important aspect to having a child feel secure is the giving of your time. Real time spent together. Talking, sharing, laughing and learning. Time = Security.
Physical contact does not come easy to all men. For some, it goes against long developed strands of DNA. Children need affection from a father as much as (if not more than) the affection from their Mother. Dad should be seen as a strong protector. Most men get that part. What some men don’t get is that part of that strength is best displayed with a gentle hug or a kiss on the forehead, or in holding hands as you walk together. By showing your love and affection in these ways, your child feels safe and warm. In regards to child development, affection makes a world of difference.
3. Say It Loud, Say It Proud
Do you verbally praise your children for the great things they do? There are many ways to discipline children. Positive discipline is just as important as punishing negative behavior. When we praise our children it builds their self-esteem and self-worth. When it’s warranted, always be sure to praise them loudly and proudly. Your verbal encouragement will provide the security they require to flourish.
4. Tough Love
While praise is of great importance, it’s just as important for you to scold and punish a child when appropriate. Children test limits…repeatedly. When you enforce boundaries, you make them feel secure. It’s like double checking a locked door—you know it’s locked, but checking again makes you feel safer. Our society is full of narcissistic adults who have never simply been told “no.” Being consistent shows your children that you care for them deeply. Tough love is still love, but there is an enormous difference between disciplining with tough love and abuse. Toughness is highly required. Cruelty is criminal.
5. All Ears
Your kids have a lot to say to you, and when they’re talking, make sure that you’re all ears. Even during those times of just nonsense, you can learn so much about who they are and who they’ll become. Your kids need to feel secure talking to you about anything under the sun. That level of trust benefits everyone involved.
6. Let The Good Times Roll
Laughter is the cure to many troubles in this world. Some would even say it’s more powerful than the strongest medicine man can create because laughter heals and nourishes. Be open, funny and kind to your children. Play with them. Joke with them. Just be downright silly. Child behavior is based greatly on the behavior of parents. Provide them with a happy and loving home, filled with laughter and joy.
7. Special Talents
We are all blessed with special gifts and talents to offer the world. Sometimes they are obvious, but other times they are more discreet. Sometimes parents get so focused on their hopes, plans and dreams for their children that they miss the special talents their kids naturally possess. This can be hurtful and confusing for your child because they think that maybe they’re not what you wanted them to be. To truly feel secure, your children need to know that you love them for exactly who they are. In searching for your kid’s true gifts, you need to have eyes like a hawk. When you see the first hint of a special talent, swoop in to acknowledge and nurture them to the fullest. In clinical terms, it’s behavior management. In real terms, it’s called being a very good parent
Remember the original Karate Kid movie? The main objective of Mr. Miyagi’s lessons was to teach Daniel balance—in martial arts and in life. A family that feels secure and happy is generally a family that is properly balanced. Just enough love. Just enough discipline. The right amount of everything. To secure balance in your home, you must treat it like a delicate recipe. Too much of one ingredient will spoil the whole dish.
9. The Rock
The true test of character is how you react when the chips are down. When failure comes knocking. When these moments happen with your children, Dad needs to be there to offer a strong hand to lift them back up. Not as a savior or a crutch, but as a rock that will not be moved. Pick them up, dust them off, give them a hug, and start all over again. That is an example of unconditional love. They should know without question that, no matter what happens, you will love them.
10. The Greater Purpose
“The family that prays together stays together.” There is pure truth in that proclamation. There is great security in knowing that we have a higher and greater purpose on Earth. In knowing that our creator loves us and made us for a reason. So in your parenting, don’t just focus on feed the flesh and bones of your family, but feed their souls with the light and word of God.