married sex

3 Reasons Married Sex is Better

As I was driving to work this morning, I was listening to talk radio. The radio host had two lawyers on giving advice to the callers. A married woman called in having recently been in a car accident. The fault of the collision was clearly the other driver and she was experiencing a lot of back pain as a result. The decision from there seems pretty clear – make the claim with the insurance company and inform them of the medical component.

The problem is that in this situation she was not driving the car. The man she was having an affair with was behind the wheel. Incidentally, he was also experiencing back pain that needed medical treatment. Her fear was that as the case got more intense she would be unable to hide her infidelity from her husband. As the sad interview continued, the radio host asked her if better sex was the reason she had strayed from her husband. Her answer, “Well, there’s nothing better than new and exciting.”

This attitude is everywhere in the media from TV shows and movies to music. One night stands and hookups are romanticized, without any of the consequences or downsides. The assumption is that when you are married sex will eventually become predictable and boring. That can happen, but results from feelings of disconnection. When a married couple strives for intimacy, the experience of sex reaches a level of pleasure and enjoyment that unmarried sex never will. Here are 3 reasons married sex is better.

1. Knowledge of One Another

While there are times married couples experience ruts, I would argue that familiarity is very much a sexual strength. The parquet floor at the old Boston Garden was said to make the ball bounce differently on various parts of the floor. The Celtics knew the floor better than any visiting team giving them a tremendous home court advantage. They knew where to go with the ball while their opponents did not. That knowledge had power. Every person is made uniquely different. We all have different preferences and tastes. Sex at its best stimulates on multiple levels: sensual, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.  The ways these are stimulated varies from person to person. With more knowledge a couple has about one another comes a deeper understanding and rhythm of how to awaken these facets. This brings a pleasure on multiple levels that only deepens as knowledge of one another grows.

2. Connection in Friendship

It’s always more enjoyable to do anything with someone with whom you share an authentic friendship. It’s even more fun when it is someone you love. Sex with someone where friendship is absent reduces sex to merely a sensual and potential intellectual experience. When the emotional and spiritual connection is lacking, it all becomes empty. It is devoid of its design and purpose of greater intimacy. It also is most likely followed by the inevitable guilt. Although it is important to consider that guilt, confusion, and hurt will still occur without the third and final reason.

3. Trust in Commitment

In my opinion, this is the component of sex at its best that our culture misses the most. It’s the same reason that sex in the context of “friends with benefits”, dating couples, and cohabitating couples falls short of marriage sex. When couples make a lifelong commitment to one another in marriage, it produces security and trust. [Tweet This] Those two things allow for vulnerability. There’s no holding back for the sake of emotional protection. Without that commitment, there will always be a higher degree of fear of being hurt, even for those couples that say they are “committed” but haven’t gotten married. The doubts are there whether they admit it or not. The higher degree of doubt, fear, and insecurity in a relationship, the more diminished the sexual experience. Married couples can certainly experiences these fears and doubts. However, making a strong public decision to commit for a lifetime and reaffirming that decision daily are important steps in eliminating those fears. The result is sex reaching its highest level of pleasure.

Sound Off

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BJ Foster

BJ Foster is the Director of Content Creation for All Pro Dad and a married father of two.

  • Tony

    This article hits the nail right on the head.

  • Single Dad

    Honest communication, Openness, Trust…

  • CJ

    And if your spouse has been cold and distant because of her own problems, what exactly are you supposed to do? I have experienced this in the worst way for most of my 20-plus years of marriage. I try everything on my end to connect, to do things for her, to be the man in Christ as a father and husband, yet she continues to remain distant and frigid when it comes to sex. I have felt like getting out for some time now, but have children that keep me in the marriage. Very demoralizing on a daily basis to not have someone you used to call your friend barely want to talk or smile at me, let alone be actively intimate.

    • BJ_Foster

      It is very demoralizing. I’m sorry. Have you asked her directly? Is she open to counseling? Together or alone?

    • msgear001

      Check out Bruce Wilkinson’s book about marriage. It strongly addresses this topic. I think you may find what he has to say quite eye opening and gain some help as to how to deal with this. Your wife is wrong to withhold what, Biblically, belongs to you. She need to address the issue that causes her to behave in this manner. It may be physical, pschologically, but certainly spiritual. I believe you may find Bruce’s teaching on this on YouTube also. Praying God will bring you two together in every area of your marriage to glorify. In Jesus name, amen.

  • Brett Smith

    And sex with your wife is also wonderful, because you genuinely benefit not only physically but emotionally, knowing that you have strengthened your commitment to her. I frequently tell her (while making love) that I’ve always been faithful to her and that THIS (guilt-free pleasure!) is why. I believe that accomplishes two things – 1) it keeps me honest when future temptations present themselves and 2) it edifies her as being the ONLY woman of my life.

  • Paul_Sp

    Great short encouragement!
    Wish I had a wife to be intimate with.

  • Tony Bright

    It is only better if you are having it. If you are not having it, it is not better.

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