wife watching porn

Can A Husband and Wife Watching Porn Together Be Good?

Whenever I write an article regarding porn I find the dialogue in the comments section interesting. It is definitely a controversial subject, but I’m always surprised by the anger it creates and those who unblushingly defend it. There was one comment that particularly had me taken aback. He proclaimed that he used it all of the time to have a satisfying sexual relationship with his wife.

His comment did get me thinking. One of the biggest arguments against porn use is that it is done in secrecy and the deception is harmful to the relationship. But what about when both the husband and wife openly watch it together? Every relationship is different and I am in no position to tell a couple what they should and shouldn’t do. However, for those that do or are considering the question, “Can a husband and wife watching porn together be good?” I would ask the following three questions.

Is it the best way to achieve intimacy?

Forget for a moment whether it is good or bad for the relationship. The question is, does it lead to the greatest possible sex? Sex reaches ultimate pleasure when there is love and connection physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The only way to go full tilt on all three levels is to focus on one another. Directing our concentration from our spouse to a screen may give a feeling of exhilaration. However, in the end, it creates a false sense of closeness in the same way taking steroids gives a false sense of strength. It’s hollow and a distraction from the time that could be spent exploring one another openly and fully.

Is it worth the risk?

Some may argue that viewing porn together facilitates open conversation and gives stagnant married couples ideas. Again, I would ask is this the best way, particularly with all of the dangers that come with pornography? Couples can be just as open and adventurous sexually without inviting all of the high percentage risks pornography brings such as addiction, jealousy, insecurity, and skewed expectations (which become unmet expectations). Openness, honesty, trust, and vulnerability begins with looking into each other’s eyes. [Tweet This] It definitely doesn’t begin by watching other people faking what you could be doing meaningfully and authentically.

Is it worth supporting the porn industry?

Think about what you are feeding outside your home. As a couple, you are giving life to an industry that attracts hurting people, many of whom are kids. Then those people give us a momentary thrill while they get degraded, dehumanized, exploited, abused in most cases, and sometimes even trafficked. In an interview with ABC News, a porn actress who was defending the industry was asked how she would feel if her adult children came to her and told her they wanted to become porn stars. She admitted, “I would have to look at myself and wonder where I messed up as a parent.” That is a direct quote from someone who was actually trying to paint the porn industry with a positive brush. If it’s bad for her kids, it’s bad for everyone.

Sound Off

What are your thoughts about watching porn with your wife?

BJ Foster

BJ Foster is the Director of Content Creation for All Pro Dad and a married father of two.

  • CJ

    NO, NO and 100% NO!!!!!!! You talk about inviting the enemy a dark and demonic spiritual foothold into your Godly marital covenant, this would be it right here. Not only is this not God-honoring in any way, shape or form, you are also supporting the horrible exploitation of men and women who are not living a Christian lifestyle in this billion-dollar family and marriage-destroying industry.

    I have to thank God above that Satan did not tempt me any more than I was during a bout with pornography and that — ONLY through God’s strength — was I able to get out of this sexually-deviant watching of online porn myself. Not that I haven’t been tempted in our over-sexualized culture that throws scantily-clad ladies in your face and promotes sexual deviancy outside of God’s plan at every opportunity it can, but at least now I have tools to combat the enemy.

    I spent nearly two years with an amazing group of guys as we battled and got to the root of our pain together through Pure Desires ministry (www.puredesire.org). This is absolutely, hands down, the very best Christian program that digs into your heart and uses God’s Word to search yourself to find out why sexual bondage can have such a stronghold in a man’s heart and mind.

    Please never fall for the lie of Satan that pornography and sexual addiction is from God. What God creates is pure, mysterious and wonderful between a man and his wife. Never ever let this fallen world tell you what sex — one part of the glue that bonds a marital covenant together and creates one flesh in God’s eyes — try to falsely tell you is good. It is just one more trap that the enemy uses to divide a marriage and destroy more and more families!

  • Pavito

    Good job Mr. Foster.

  • gdubya31

    Great article and excellent comments by CJ!!! The name of the DVD series from Pure Desire Ministries is “The Conquer Series” and is excellent…Biblical and scientific approach combined for strong teaching. One additional question to ask those who think porn is helpful in any way…Can you perform consistently over time with your spouse without any porn? If you can’t then there’s definitely lust (go figure…always is) and ‘reliance’ on this horrific substitute for intimacy or there is addiction at some level. Thanks for highlighting this tremendous deception and blight on our culture and even many in our churches! Satan’s greatest tactical weapon in redefining love to destroy intimacy and relationships on which marriage, family and Christ’s Church is to be built! One of the greatest deceptions in porn is to see if as ‘freedom’ when it leads to great bondage every time! God is good and gracious but His Truth will not be compromised. Thanks again for sharing Truth in Grace and Love!

  • DC

    Not going there myself, nor would I even consider going there with my wife to obtain a more intimate sexual experience. The deeper intimacy that we share goes way beyond what we could ever enhanced by some video. I know there are a lot of you out there that don’t have the intimacy with your wives that you would like. However, PORN is not the way to achieve that intimacy. I promise you that. The way to that intimacy is significantly more difficult for us as men, but does that surprise anyone? It comes by letting our fears and ego go out the window and through consistent open and honest communication with this human (with her own fears and ego) you’ve dedicated your life to.

  • EstoVir

    “Openness, honesty, trust, and vulnerability begins with looking into each other’s eyes.” Exactly. And couples who share a deeper bond built on many interpersonal experiences realize that a slow burn is always better than a hot flash. It’s called intimacy for a reason: into-me-see.

  • David Spillman

    Yes! Porn:bad! bad! bad! If you start from the assumption that it is bad, you will naturally reach the conclusion that it is bad. Get a life!

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