teen sex

Your Daughter and the Reality of Teenage Sex

When your daughter is a small child life is more simple. When she falls and starts crying all you have to do is hug and kiss her and it’s all fixed. When you move to the other side of braces boys come into the picture. The world of your daughter dating will make any father cringe because she is blissfully unaware of what you know well. You know how boys think and feel about girls and teen sex. You know the emotional entanglement that dating brings particularly when things get physical.

A young girl’s heart is like a spider web; the more intimate they get, the more of his hand is on it. Teenagers don’t have the life experience to know the deep impact of their actions. When he moves on, he pulls his hand off the web leaving it in tatters. Sadly, she may even think of herself as ruined. The following 7 factors increase the likelihood of your daughter being sexually active at a younger age. Knowing these and taking action will help lessen the chance of your daughter engaging in sexual activity in her teen years.

Alcohol Consumption.

Drinking causes teens to misunderstand emotions, which clogs clear decision-making. Increasing the danger is that getting drunk happens quicker for girls because of their smaller bodies.

A Strict Home.

You have to let go. Your rules are not going to stop her from making bad decisions. The tighter you try to make your grip, the more she’s going to slip through your fingers. More and more secrets will be kept. The focus needs to be trust and consequences. Example: Not letting her borrow your car because you don’t trust her is a consequence of irresponsible behavior. Have this talk with her now.   

Feeling Disconnected from You.

Cultivate your relationship with her. Spend as much time with her as you can. Ask her out on dates—mid-week has a higher chance of acceptance. Show her genuine care, interest, and affection. Never stop pursuing.

Divorce.

If you are divorced or contemplating divorce, you need to know this reality. There is no judgment here and it doesn’t mean that the situation is hopeless. It just means that you need to be all the more proactive in the other areas of this list, particularly your connection. Work with your ex-wife as best you can.

No Clear and Effective Communication of Disapproval of Sex Outside of Marriage.

Talk to her about sex. I know it’s awkward and she will be uncomfortable. Have your talking points ready, but be as natural as you can be. Talk about the physical risks, but focus on the emotional ones more. Keep it honest and real, but no browbeating. Don’t give one big talk and assume that’s it. Think of it as a running dialogue.

Peer Pressure.

They will want to do what their friends are doing. Get to know their friends the best you can. Don’t turn a blind eye to the crowd they are rolling in. Ask inquiring questions. A strong sense of identity and bond with your family’s core values will help counter peer pressure.

Sexual Abuse.

As a result, many times young girls’ value is twistedly tied to their sexuality. Your daughter needs a lot of care and professional counseling. If it hasn’t been done, you need to contact the authorities and confront the perpetrator. Let her see the full weight of your protection.

Sound Off

What would you want your daughter to know about relationships and sex?

BJ Foster

BJ Foster is the Director of Content Creation for All Pro Dad and a married father of two.

  • Isaac O. Omibeku PIO

    Many of us are too busy not minding this until things are out of hand. Thank you so much

  • Matt Rogers

    What age is appropriate to start the ongoing conversation? It seems to get younger and younger.

    • BJ_Foster

      It is getting younger and younger unfortunately. Personally I would rather be the first person who talks to my kids about sex rather than their friends, the media, or anyone else. So I would suggest age 8 or 9. At that age you introduce it before it gets awkward. We have done that and it has led to many good conversations so far.

  • gb1234

    I keep my kids out of public school, and I begin these conversations around age 9. Through the teen years, I teach them God’s purpose for the opposite sex. Dating is for marriage, marriage is for sex, sex is for babies, babies are for God’s Kingdom. Therefore, dating doesn’t really make sense until you have a career, a deep daily prayer life, and you’ve outgrown your self-centeredness. They are not allowed to “pair off.” What they should be doing during their teenage years is deepening their prayer life, working on their education, and forming a habit of service to others. I help them to socialize with peers from like-minded families.

    • mxprivateer

      While I agree with the majority of what you wrote, I don’t agree with your point that sex (within marriage) is for babies. In marriage, sex is a wonderful thing that can deepen the bond between husband and wife, and, let’s admit, feels pretty darn good. I truly believe that if sex were only for procreation, God wouldn’t have made it so pleasurable.

  • TSD1968

    Well said gb1234 – I use many of those talking points for my preteen son as well.

  • mxprivateer

    Peer pressure is an UNBELIEVABLY powerful force when it comes to a daughter’s sexual activity. Even when the peer pressure is not overt, girls inherently compare themselves to other girls and if they know their friends are sexually active, they will feel the pressure to become sexually active themselves. Pop culture also plays a tremendous role in influencing a young girl’s life choices; music, television, movies, they ALL will influence our daughters’ behavior. It can be very discouraging, feeling that your back is against the wall and you’re trying to fend off all of these evil influences trying to lead our daughters into being sexualized from even an early age.

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