The 5 Love Languages is a wonderful best-selling book written by Dr. Gary Chapman. Dr. Chapman spent 30 years performing marriage counseling for couples. Through his experiences, he was able to break down the different ways couples express love for each other. There are five completely unique ways for effective communication with your spouse. Love and marriage do not always coexist as statistics readily will attest.
Couples must constantly work on their marriage to keep it strong and healthy. Learning how to improve communication with your spouse will certainly help keep the love flowing and the heart happy. Author Jack Hayford writes, “I can always tell when a woman is loved by her husband because she gets more beautiful as she ages.” Here are 10 things you need to know about the 5 love languages.
1. Words of Affirmation
“I love you.” When these words are said, it needs to be genuine and heartfelt. The wife who requires words of affirmation needs to know why she is loved. What is it that makes her special to you? Given reassurance, she will feel buoyed and euphoric. A good marriage is one where verbal communication flows free and honest.
2. Avoid using words as weapons
Words can tear down and destroy just as easily as they can build and create. Words can tear down and destroy just as easily as they can build and create. An unhappy marriage usually includes lots of negative words between partners. These things tend to linger and create large divides that are not easy to repair. Begin to address the real issues that lie behind the masquerade of the harmful words.
3. Quality Time
The gift of your time and attention shows your spouse that you find her important. When your wife has had a bad day at work and just needs someone to talk to, you earnestly listen without offering solutions. She beams inside when you take a walk with her talking about anything at all. Quality time reassures her that you sincerely love being with her.
4. Avoid the Cold Shoulder
Build your lives around each other. When you are both headed in opposite directions, how can you have a strong marriage foundation? Avoid giving your spouse the “cold shoulder” when she needs your time. Make her a priority by removing the distractions and focusing on her.
5. Receiving Gifts
When it shows that you went to great effort to find just the right thing, like a rare book she adores, she will melt. Gestures are gifts as well. A reassuring look when she feels nervous. Strong arms to hold her when she feels scared and tired. Gifts of this nature display great affection and strengthen your marriage.
6. Avoid the Bribe
When marriage problems exist, one of the typical ways a man will attempt to smooth things out is with a gift. Dropping a bribe in her lap when we screw up only shows her that she isn’t worthy of your best efforts. Forgetting your anniversary and trying to quickly make up for it with a hastily bought gift at the closest store to your home is a cheap trick.
7. Acts of Service
Women tend to put the whole world on their shoulders and attempt to carry it all. She works full time, cleans the house, feeds the kids, plays taxi cab and gets up to do it all over once again. Offering to lighten her load in any way at all means the absolute world to her. Take a regular shift on the taxi route. Get up and make the kids lunches. Clean the dishes right after you enjoy the great meal she created for your family. Teach your children to pitch in as well and you will be displaying leadership skills that will make her heart melt.
8. Avoid Being Lazy
How do you save a marriage? Laziness and selfishness turn a woman off quicker than you can possibly imagine. Marriage is a partnership. When you see your wife active around the house ask her how you can help. Women love men who take initiative.
9. Physical Touch
Physical touch releases wonderful feelings inside of us. Making love is only one expression of physical touch. It’s the little things that really display the love in our marriage. When she lays her head in your lap and you gently run your fingers through her hair. The way you grasp the back of her neck just perfectly as you kiss her. It makes her feel secure and loved.
10. Avoid Neglect
Withholding of affection by either spouse is not only cruel; it will destroy the bond and trust in your marriage. If these problems exist in your relationship, seek out help and resolve them without delay.
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you like most? When I encourage you, spend time with you, give you things, do nice things for you, or give you hugs?”